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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 12:48 am 
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PSSST HEY RAX
YOU SHOULD
YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GIVE ME CRITIQUE ON MY WRITING
THAT'S HOW THIS WORKS RIGHT??


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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:08 am 
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YES AND

YOU SUCK

FOREVER

Though seriously, I can't really think of any complaints.

STOP BEING PERFECT

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:08 am 
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Raxy wrote:
YES AND

YOU SUCK

FOREVER

Though seriously, I can't really think of any complaints.

STOP BEING PERFECT

WHAT ABOUT ME

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 1:09 am 
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You... don't describe things enough, I guess?

Jeeze i just made the thread i am not a master rper

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:39 am 
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>___> I hate to join the band wagon, but how am I doing?

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"See, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. When the chips are down, these civilized people, they'll eat each other. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."


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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:11 pm 
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You're getting better!

Though, I think you write too literally sometimes.

Like instead of

'Also the sand storm hurt him a little'

That sounds like a direct writing of what happens in game, you might want to put more thought into it like

'Roger had trouble seeing through the sand storm as it continued raging on and the rough sand lashed against Kiyoshi's pokemon.'

The pokemon battles tend to be 'i attack, then he attacks' and there is very little movement other than dodging and the environment tends to go completely ignored. So it comes off little more than a slapfight than a real fight. Another thing that could be suggested is to describe the attacks a little more instead of just saying 'pumbloom use forcehug' or something

For example
Instead of
"Pumbloom use forcehug!" said Roger. Pumbloom attacked Pelistorm.

You might go with,

"Pumbloom use forcehug!" shouted Roger. The pumbloom tightly wrapped its arms around Pelistorm and squeezed the life out of it.

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 3:19 pm 
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Ty ty, I did think there was a bit of a problem with it, so I'll take that more into consideration. Anything else? like characterization and what not, maybe some other things like making battles more interesting to read

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Thu Sep 20, 2012 5:40 pm 
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I don't really have much advice for battles, I'm not good at them myself.

But as far as characterization, always keep in mind what your character is thinking or feeling at the moment even if it might not show up in writing. It helps you get a better idea of how they would act in different situations.

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:55 pm 
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Here's a tip.

If you don't like serious RPing, don't try to force yourself to like serious RPing unless you have the time to.

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"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" -Psalms 27:1a


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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:07 pm 
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good

tip

???

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 Post subject: Re: Tips/Help/Critique
PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:14 pm 
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Raxy wrote:
good

tip

???

good

tip

!!!

8-)

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"The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?" -Psalms 27:1a


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