Pirates. Scourges of the sea who terrorized the open waters for hundreds of years. Though many would try to put a stop to piracy, whether through war or diplomacy, there would always be at least one scoundrel that would continue on. For centuries pirates were a constant threat that any who dared to set sail had to worry about.
There were many groups and various factions among the ranks of pirates, each with their own ideology. Some were set in their ways by some sense of honor, even going to far as to give away much of their wealth to those who had none. Some were less than honorable, raping and killing without so much as a thought. There was one single unifying trait all pirates seemed to share: a sense of pride in their own increasing bounty. A pirate with a high bounty garnered some strange sense of respect or envy from the other pirates. A captain, on the other hand, would never find themselves without ready and able hands. It was even possible, some thought, that a pirate whom all feared or respected could unify the various groups.
But that was, for good or ill, proven to be wrong. Eleven years ago, Captain Caitlin Kil De'Moore made herself known with the destruction of one of the largest U.S.F (United Seas Federation) warships. From there she'd go on to steal or destroy any who were unfortunate to find themselves near her and her ship,
The Prancing Devil. For seven long years she crushed all beneath her, bringing her bounty to the fifth highest in all of recorded history, and the highest among pirates. Yet rather than follow her, the other pirate groups simply vanished without a trace. The competition, it seemed, was too much for them to handle.
Four years ago, things changed.
It began on a day that, for The Good Captain, was like any other...
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Four years ago, Captain Kil De'Moore entered The Crusty Spittoon looking for new crew members. It was there that the succubus Alicia (the least gruff being to ever set foot in the establishment), the cyborg Cevell (a foul-mouthed woman from another realm), the sorceress Miharu (one of the greatest users of the ancient arts and one of the most wanted 'criminals' to ever live), and a psychotic schitzo who vanished suddenly (so who cares), all signed contracts to sail under the leadership of De'Moore. Their meeting was interrupted by Admiral Hanson of the U.S.F, much to the annoyance of the captain. From there the group traveled into the island's main city, Uptown, where a bank was robbed by the new recruits, supplies were gathered by First-Mate Sota, and a(nother) church was blown up by Kil De'Moore. Many believe it was this explosion that soon led to the destruction of the entire island, but there are none who can prove it. The local blacksmith, King of the Dragons and second-cousin to Caitlin, Cas, was recruited by Miharu.
Before the group left, a minor run-in with Captain Vanessa Augustine of
The Conviction occurred between Miharu and the captain in question. Something about streamers and party supplies. Long story short, Miharu made a deal with the previous Devil, Caitlin's mother, and is revealed to still have a chance at being resurrected. Oh, and dead idiot schizo man and Cevell totally stole a crate of socks from Augustine's top guy(?)(IMPORTANT)! Also there were a couple of merchant brothers who were down on their luck but some nice guy gave them his cruddy boat and now they're adventuring and Miharu threatened them or something.
Captain Kil De'Moore now sailed north by north-west to the island of Phallacia. She was on a quest to find The Faucet of Late Adolescence, a mythical trinket that would make those who drank from it younger (Or in some cases, older). Three keys were required to enter the ancient hall it was housed in, one of which Caitlin acquired from the church in Uptown. Signs pointed to the oddly shaped island hosting the second key.
Greeted by a some odd farmer and his cows, the scouting party went about in search of the key and supplies for Cas and Miharu. Widstor the (Widstiest) necromancer danced his way into the group's lives, revealing he and his incredible dance moves were all that was keeping Cevell alive. Caitlin is given the map leading to the second key from a drunkard in a nearby tavern, and on her way out bumps into John for the first time.
Next, the good Captain murders some swindling merchant as she tracks down a thief. Said thief was a beast child with no name, trying to survive on her own. Through some blundering Caitlin gets the kid kicked out of town, but brings her along with her, offering her a place among the crew. The crew bumps into a group of tribespeople in the island's jungle who worship the God of Fabric Softener before they dig up a treasure-filled chest containing their key. To celebrate, they head to the most remote place in town: a downtrodden tavern. There, they meet Jesse, an effeminate young man working as a barmaid for his father. Jesse later joins the crew, stowing away on the ship until he was later found by Cas.
Before they leave, Caitlin intercepts a letter from the sheriff's office. Also, another old friend of Cevell's approaches the group. A tall, pink haired woman named Miyana who has her own set of followers. She wishes for Cevell to join her to help advance civilization (or something to that effect), but The Good Captain has none of that as she brings up Cevell's contract with her.
Unable to decipher the map that was included with the second key, the crew sets sail to meet an old acquaintance of Caitlin's. During the trip there, Cevell and Alicia get a history lesson about the world and about Caitlin's role as the Devil. They also bump into
The Jurisdiction, a U.S.F ship captained by Admiral Hanson. The pirates easily sink the ship, and the fate of the admiral is unknown. Miharu translates a map with an important location for Caitlin, which comes into play later don't worry about it now shhh. Also Alicia got DOUBLE POISONING, but not really.
The crew arrives on the volcanic island of Taurus, where they bump into James, the other merchant brother. Cevell gets a bottle with a red rock (details shmetails), Jesse gets something for his seasickness, and Alicia orders a potion. Miharu heads to the volcano on her own, giving away her special backpack to the beast kid, and after trying to give John some alchemy tips (he's a stuck up butt though), gives him a vial containing angel tears. As Caitlin finally gets the help she needed for the key-map (feeding Sota along the way), Miharu heads into the volcano and confronts Pride. Pride is one of the ancient Spirits that were created by the gods of old, and has taken residence in Violet, daughter of one of the old gods and an...acquaintance to Caitlin (Violet knew/hated her father). Despite her best efforts, Miharu falls, and Pride gives chase after the pirate crew. They manage to escape thanks to the beast girl. Also, the volcano erupts but pishaw. Oh, and Cevell and Alicia unleash a wind demon guy who is blind and becomes Alicia's (second) best pal. His name is Gale. Yay for them. There's probably more, but at this point I'm cranky and hate you all. How's THAT for a recap?
At sea, the pirates once again bump into the merchant crew, trading with them once more. Alicia gets her potion, the beast girl sells a book to John from Miharu's bag (along with some paralyzing liquid), Sota gets ADULT READING MATERIAL, etc etc etc.
I can't. I just can't do this whole RP. It's too much. I'm sorry guys but I am going to die doing this.
The crew arrives on Seline. It's a big trade city place. Some forest too. Pirates stay a few days. Caitlin and the kid go and meet Caitlin's uncle Steg in the forest. Caitlin gets some info she'll need on getting the third and final key from the castle, and the kid sees a TV. Oh, and pictures of an adult who looks like her. ANYWAYSHOWETC, we meet Jesse's aunt, Ms. Ican'tbebotheredtollookanymore. Shipmaker, that one. I think? Also has a bit of a double soul thing going on, but that is a thing we don't know. She winds up selling them a cannon made for firing people for circus acts (Sota said so totally she hates it). We meet the Admirals for the Trader's Guild since their HQ is here. They're stereotypes! John and James get accepted into the guild thanks to Augustine.
Cas blunders meeting with a friend and gets collared. Caitlin purchases her before some sleazy guy can, but will need to get her key from a church ship in the harbor.
This is the best part because we meet ISSAC, THE MAN WHO HAS THE MOST POORLY SPELLED NAME EVER. Eyesack. He's a PERFECT guard, PERFECT at everything, and also the THIRD best character (#1 Caitlin, #2 Ken-Cow). He somewhat unwittingly joins the crew.
Caitlin boards the Church ship to find Cas' soul-key. There she finds The Detective, an interesting character who I won't go over right now, because seriously, screw you guys. The Detective has already "taken care of" everyone on the ship, getting Caitlin the key she needs. He heads to the cathedral to rescue some beast children he had been taking care of, and Caitlin follows in secret. When it seems as though The Detective has succeeded, yet another threat makes itself known: The Inspector, one of the most powerful men in The Church. He kills The Detective and most of the children by the time Caitlin finally cuts in, saving only the lava-spawnling Kimmy. She likes books. Romance novels. Not for kids. The homeless beast kid is there too because /magic/ and Caitlin rescues her as well. For reasons unknown The Inspector lets Caitlin and the kids go despite having them surrounded and out-manned.
Oh gosh is there more? Uhhhh man I don't even remember most of this stuff. Like, there's some WoW guys or something? Are they trolls too? Jeeze, man.
So Caitlin takes Cevell and Alicia with her to the Royal Ball. Cevell is there
just because, and Alicia is there to charm the king or whoever the heck. Or does Cevell just crash the party? Man I don't know anymore. So Caitlin meets The Inspector's lady, Faith, and they dance and it's probably hot or something. Then she dances with The Inspector himself and the three of them sit down and have some drinks. The Inspector speaks a bit about himself and his beliefs, and also mentions the history of his hat. So naturally Caitlin makes him bet his hat his father gave him. The Inspector plans on overtaking Caitlin and her ship out at sea with his army, and is so confident he bets his hat that he'll win.
So Alicia gets the key and everyone goes back to their ships. The Inspector convinces John to be like a spy or something for him and hooks him up with his own personal slave because...uhh...it was mandatory or something. Man I don't...Oh, and John has his body guard by this time. Yeah. Her name is Lina. John is her first charge. Poor girl. She's very by the book I THINK??? ANYWAYS, John picks Hope as his slave. She's a tiger-wolf beast hybrid, super adorable and good at like everything ever. That strict Church training though.
Was that all? Like, there was stuff with Widstor and him getting zombies there or something, right? Who knows anymore. There's a pirate party and like...John and Lina sneak on the ship. OH YEAH THAT WAS IT. So The Inspector is like "Hey Caitlin is cool with you I need you to disable her ship" and John is like "money please yes yes?" and The Inspector is like "take this and more!" More being Hope. So Lina and John sneak aboard and knock out everyone by poisoning the pirate's brew but Cas and Sota are still up and catch them. Then Caitlin comes back all cranky because she wanted to get laid at the party but didn't so she settles for John.
So they leave Seline heading for the Faucet's secret island. The Inspector and his army show up not even halfway into the trip. All hope seems lost as the pirates are outgunned. Not Hope but hope as in the metaphorical thing (is that the right term for it) and not the person Hope. Merfolk show up and kick some major butt but there's still too many BUT THEN (caps!!!) the beast kid uses her innate magical powers to teleport to Pride and steal the sun back.
...Oh yeah the sun was gone. Totally just now remembered that. I'm not sure how that worked. Was it just night all the time or what? Yeah that's why Miharu went to fight Pride. Pride was using her crazy powers to get the sun back and lock it in a locket. So the beast kid gets the help from the merprince and they get the locket back and then appear back on the pirate ship. BLAMMO! The kid brings the sun back. It's actually a big moment in the story and really cool and I'm just trivializing it because I'm so tired of this week long summary I'm writing.
The sheer force of the sun returning sets the enemy ships ablaze and convinces the enemy to surrender just from the awe of the moment. The Merqueen shows up on
The Prancing Devil, and the name ceremony for the kid starts. Caitlin chooses the name Sun Raiser because of her incredible feat, and so she can call her Sunny for short. The merprince is charged as Sunny's bodyguard, and Sunny names him Brave Heart. I think that's it. Everyone calls him Heart. Kids naming kids. Caitlin goes and speaks with The Inspector who is stuck on a sandbar and Sunny rubs her victory in his face while Caitlin gets the hat.
Next time on Dragonball MNZ/TMF/F6/DE, RIGHT NOW!
At last the group is at the island housing The Faucet. Everyone is their for their own selfish reasons, although Caitlin's intentions are never revealed. Perhaps she truly was bored and just looking for a fun pirate activity? The island houses many ancient structures and Cas has some connection to it, which is obvious when you read it but let's leave it as a mystery in the recap. OOHHH SPOOKY SCARY MYSTERY! Caitlin ponders on some of the details during the journey (unlike me), such as the condition of the maps and treasure, and who exactly hired her. Only once inside does she realize she has been duped. A letter inside reveals that Mia, The Goddess of Creation - the same one that everyone in The Church worships - was simply toying with the pirate captain. The Faucet has been gone for a few months now, laying somewhere at the bottom of the sea. All of her troubles getting here were just for the goddess' twisted entertainment.
The crew leaves in a hurry because Pride shows up again. Can't fight her yet so running! The group makes it to the island Miharu's map lead to (REMEMBER I SAID IT'D BE IMPORTANT I TOLD YOU!): a floating island in the sky, conveniently nearby. The group travels to it, and inside, they find Shim, an ancient goddess(? I forget so sue me). Her temple lay in ruins, and her time almost up. And John and James and Lina and Hope are here but not poor Ken-Cow. Or maybe not Hope too??? So there's a little scuffle but who cares am I right? Everyone gets gifts but I forget a lot of them. Like Cevell gets something to use against Caitlin because she wants to be the queen of Hell for whatever reason (It's just the hip thing to be???), and that is literally the only one I remember so screw you guys I'd look it up if I wasn't INSAYIN right now! Caitlin gets a crystal containing her Father and smashes it open with his guitar. Enter Gene Kilmer, the newish God of Energy, used to be major villian, and currently the guy most likely to kill Mia. Gene also bring along his pal Eris, the most powerful psychic in the world and who was pretty much Mia's personal slave to torture. Once back on Caitlin's ship, Gene uses his spooky god-magic-power to revive his wife Sarah, the true ruler of Hell.
Oh yeah and Gale is dead. That happened a while ago actually but I forget how when etc. There was a tower? Oh yeah there was that demon hunter guy, Anime The Anime Guy. Momotaro? Sword for an arm or something. Demon hunter. Hunted demons. Turns out Alicia was a human who was cursed into a succubus. Something like that. I'm the best recapper you can't fault me.
So The Old Man, the oldest of the old gods (God Numero Uno) and Chaos, the spirit of...chaos, also show up on the pirate ship. So that's cool. Oh yeah no that's not how it happened. So on the floating island, they were there with Shim, along with Rose, Steg's half-sister and masterest of master alchemist, Pam, some virus vampire-ish speedy girl, and Euri, consumer of everything and Sota's horrible unwanted child.
Yeah so that's important because along with those guys, Euri drops off Mecha, Mia's brother and another God of Creation. Or used to be god? Whatever. So while he's rebooting (he's a robot), Gene and Pride do battle. Gene easily dispatches of Pride and removes her spirit from Violet's body, sending her back to The Heart (where the gods reside). Naturally Mecha awakens just in time to see Gene standing over Violet's beaten up body. That's his daughter so he is
angry.They have what one could sum up as a "really angry staring contest" before getting back to their own business. Uhhh... My memory gets fuzzy right here because I can't remember where the day skip happens after Mecha shows up. Just know that Caitlin is frustrated with herself, knowing that The Inspector is always one step ahead of her and every possible escape seems to just end with their capture. Eris advises them to take the Eddius Gap, and treacherous ocean path that
might save them.
Augustine shows up and duels Caitlin. They seem fairly matched and are both underhanded. In the end, Augustine simply wants her crate of socks back (OH BAM BACK FROM THE START OF THE STORY TYING IT ALL TOGETHER). Caitlin happily trades it over for some crates of oranges. This recap has truly failed in representing Caitlin's undying love for oranges. Augustine leaves, woop-de-do. Raid boss down gang.
Man things are just not going well right now. Morale is low (JUST LIKE MINE WOOO) and the robot is EXTRA cranky. Oh man there he goes taking his daughter and Gene's daughter. What is he doing OH DANG HE FUSED THEIR SOULS AND THEN ohhh he made a baby. Congrats it's a cute baby girl. Caitlin names her Reitashi, or Rei for short.
...MEANWHILE, AT THE HALL OF JUSTICE:
John bought an island. Woop. It had spooky spider people on it. Bartering and helping happened. Oh and there's a broken down tavern on it. They're fixing it up. And there's a spooky ghost named...Ghosty. Best name, best name. Tenouttaten. Tenouttaten. The Inspector shows up again and offers John another deal. Something about potions and I think letting people stay on the island. I thought I remembered but no. DON'T YOU LOVE THIS RECAP, GANG? Also John banged Hope during a scent ceremony and then Lina scolded Hope and Hope went full repentance mode and her collar kind of soul-stopped her. The Inspector fixed it though and then Hope and Lina banged so it's all good.
Is that really canon?????????????
Sarah shows up on that island as well to mess with John and see if he's worthy of her daughter but he's banging that hot hybrid booty so...
The Old Man reveals to Gene the spirit he has within him, who speaks directly to Gene. Gene has a hard time trusting anyone, let alone somebody who would be able to take control of him. They don't strike the deal the spirit wants, but they go halfsies so that the spirit can continue to help Gene since the Old Man doesn't have much time left.
Okay, so Caitlin, Sarah, Steg and Gene all head to the old Mayor's Office buried beneath the sea. They need to get to the portal machine that's still functioning down there so they can actually get into Hell and get things going with that. Lots of cool high tech stuff and - hey who is this chi-OH GOSH OH NO! A woman with white hair and powerful magic - a woman Gene once saw in a vision - is there waiting for them. Who knows how long she had been there, or why she was there. The group barely makes it out before she almost brings down the place.
Group gets to Hell, Steg kills monster Amber, gets Hell going again... Look from here everything is already summed up in the last set of summary posts. They're on the last couple of pages of the RP.
Go read that. I can't go on. I'm done. Go read this stuff that I wrote before I took up this maddening task. I'm sorry that I'm forgetting a lot of stuff but this is still a lot of stuff so it's not all bad, right? Right???