Dashed Expectations

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PostPosted: Thu May 08, 2014 4:31 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2013 10:54 pm
Posts: 908
It was another day. Elby's feet dragged him out of bed--yes, they literally had to move on their own since Elby was too lazy to move himself--and lugged the sleeping husk out to his kitchen, where they propped him into a standing position so he could see the one thing that could fully awaken him in the morning:


Elby's eyes popped open. Yes. There it was. The sweet strips of juicy meaty goodness were his reason for living. And there they were. On the stove. Waiting for him.

"They're mine!" Elby proclaimed, stretching out one stick-thin arm to grab a piece.

Then the question occurred to him, making him stop short. Who made this bacon? He lived alone, after all, and he doubted he had been sleepwalking last night, although being able to cook his own bacon in his sleep was an amazing prospect, lemme tell you. No work to remember, all the benefits, man.

Oh, right. The cook. Who was it?

Just then, he noticed a smell in the air. Other than the bacon. It was a smell he vaguely remembered. He concentrated on it, and then his eyes flew open for the second time. Unlike the bacon, this was a smell he didn't want to smell. It was the unmistakable smell of...


"Nyaaaaaa, hello, Bobby-chan!" came a sickeningly adorable voice from behind Elby.

Elby jumped and twisted around to see a young girl with bright blue hair wearing a sailor outfit. His heart nearly went out his rear end.

"You!" he breathed vehemently.

"Nyaa, isn't Bobby-chan happy to see Mimi-tan again?" the girl asked, cupping her hands forward in some cat-like pose. "Mimi-tan missed Bobby-chan!"

"My name's not Bobby-chan!" spat Elby. "It's Elby! L-B!" Maybe, with any luck, he could convince the girl she had the wrong person and she'd go away.

"Nyaaaa, Mimi-tan could nyever mistake the scent of Bobby-chan! We're partnyars! OwO" Mimi grabbed Elby by the leg and nuzzled him.

"Get off!!" hissed Elby, kicking his leg to no avail. Finally, taking advantage of his limbs' stick-thinness, he simply slipped his leg out of her grip. Then he tried to push her away with his foot.

Mimi looked up at Elby with impossibly big eyes. "Nwaaa, why does Bobby-chan nyot like Mimi-tan? Mimi-tan thought Bobby-chan would like Mimi-tan again if Mimi-tan made Bobby-chan some bacon!"

Elby paused, realization sinking in. "Wait. You cooked this?" His eyes darted back to that delicious-looking bacon.

"Nyeah, Mimi-tan snuck in to surprise Bobby-chan for his big reunyan with Mimi-tan!" Mimi blinked her big eyes. "Mimi-tan wants to be part of Bobby-chan's life again, nya!"

Elby eyed the girl with eyes suspicious and distrusting. His stomach rumbled with thoughts empty and hungry. He thought he'd at least eat the bacon, because gosh what could beat that. He grabbed a plate, shoveled the bacon on, and proceeded to eat with his back turned to Mimi.

Oh, the succulence! Oh, those fatty ends! Oh, those--

"Nyaaa, does Bobby-chan like Mimi-tan's cooking?" Mimi was suddenly perched on the counter next to Elby.

Instead of answering, Elby turned away from her and continued eating.

Mimi pranced around to face Elby again. "Mimi-tan went through soooo much to make that bacon for Bobby-chan! Mimi-tan had to go all kawaii desu stealth mode to steal the bacon from the market like a kawaii desu kunoichi!"

Elby glanced at Mimi over his bacon. "Really? I'm eating stolen goods right now?" He went back to eating because dang that was good bacon.

Mimi nodded and said, "There's a monyapoly on bacon right now. It's all thanks to that big bad General Bacon Supreme, nya!"

Huh. No wonder bacon's been so hard to come by lately, Elby thought. He finished his bacon and said sternly, "Okay, out you go."

"Nyaaaaaa, but Mimi-tan wants to stay with Bobby-chan!" Mimi protested.

"Well, 'Bobby-chan' doesn't want to stay with you!" Elby replied. "You're a bad memory. A bad, bad memory!"

"Nwaaaaah, Bobby-chan is gonnya make Mimi-tan cry!" Mimi rubbed her eyes.

Elby didn't buy it. He pointed to the door. "Go. Now. Thanks for the bacon, by the way."

"Mimi-tan wants Bobby-chan to forgive Mimi-tan for the bad memory!" Mimi looked up with pleading eyes. "Will Bobby-chan forgive Mimi-tan?"


Suddenly, the door Elby had been pointing to burst open on its own. Except it wasn't on its own. Two people who wore military uniforms and had reddish-pink, slightly disfigured heads stepped in. They turned their heads to Elby and Mimi with a weird slurping sound.

"There she is!" one soldier said in a guttural voice and immediately advanced.

"Quick, Bobby-chan! Let's renew our partnyarship OwO!" shouted Mimi.

Elby wasn't quite sure what was going on, so he just stood there. When Mimi launched herself at his face, he was ever so slightly unprepared. They crashed to the floor together and Elby blacked out.

- - -

The next thing Elby knew, he was looking at a ceiling that wasn't his own. It was stony and unwelcoming. He sat up and saw that he was in a jail cell somewhere. What for? He didn't remember doing anything wrong. Except maybe eating stolen goods? Nah, it couldn't be for that.

He stood up and walked to the entrance. One of the weird soldiers from before was standing in the hallway.

"Hey, pal, what am I in for?" Elby asked.

The soldier turned its head to him with that slurp sound. It was a little nauseating. "You're under arrest for ingesting stolen goods," it replied.

Darn it. I knew nothing good would come from seeing that girl again, Elby thought and gulped. Even if it was bacon.

"So when's my trial?" Elby asked. "You give those, right?"

"No trial," replied the soldier. "Says the bacon general. For you have not only ingested stolen goods, it was stolen bacon. There's a monopoly on that, you know."

"Yeah, well, what does that mean for me?"

The soldier fully turned to Elby and said, "You will spend the rest of your life in this cell. That bacon will be the last thing you ever eat."

Screw that. If this bacon general was making it so bacon couldn't be eaten at any time, anywhere, then clearly this was not a guy to be in a position of power. Something needed to be done about him.

Looking around, Elby noticed a small window with those bars usually seen in jail cell windows. Taking into account his stick frame, he figured he could easily fit through it. He checked to see if the soldier was still paying attention, but the soldier was back to staring at the opposite wall. It was now or never.

Elby climbed onto the window frame and--to his surprise--easily fit through the bars. He made it outside. It was always a surprise when things turned out exactly as he planned. His expectations weren't dashed yet, anyway.

Then, as Elby glanced around the prison grounds, alarms sounded throughout the complex. Crud. It was probably about him. He made a mad dash across the concrete ground to the perimeter fence, which he hoped he could climb over to safety. Behind him, he could hear lots of squelching as hordes of soldiers stormed after him.

Elby reached the fence and jumped on. Suddenly, he was electrocuted. He fell, paralyzed. Well, so much for that.

He looked up, expecting to see the crowd of soldiers standing above him. Instead, there was nothing. In fact, the squelching footsteps seemed to be moving further away. Elby turned his head to see the uniformed blobs racing around a corner of the prison. In the distance, Elby could make out some sort of beast--was it a horse, maybe?--standing inside the perimeter, the fence having been knocked down behind it. The beast gave an unearthly neigh as the soldiers approached it and charged, wielding what looked like...ham shanks?

Elby turned over onto his stomach, eyeing the scene as the soldiers were decimated into chunks of whatever-the-heck-they-were-made-of. His eyes boggled as the horse-creature seemed to devour them, gulping down the pinkish material with its large, even-cut front teeth, while its red eyes stared wildly. Then the creature raced off on two hoofed legs toward the building and disappeared from view. All that was left was Elby, the empty uniforms of the fallen soldiers, and the alarms.

Well, Elby was perturbed, but not perturbed enough to miss the fact that the downed fence was his best way out. He stood up and made another mad dash to the macabre scene, hoping that the beast wasn't still around.

He made it. One swift leap over the wrecked fence and Elby was home free. Only he didn't really know where he was. One thing was clear, though: he was a fugitive. He had a survival plan to think up, and he had a bacon general to take down a peg. He continued running until he was deep in the forest that bordered the compound.

To be continued...?

PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 12:18 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2012 4:11 pm
Posts: 1785
I haven't had the chance to read this yet, but that picture is amazing

He's back and slower than ever.

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