"Wake uuuuuuup!" Ruki's voice called as Elby felt a kick in his side.
"Just ignore it," he thought, "and maybe it'll go away."
"WAKE UUUUUUUP!" kick. "WAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUPWAKEUP" kick, kick, kick, kick, kick.
"Hmph." Ruki finally grunted, crossing her arms in frustration. All the beatings must've made that sort of thing easy to ignore.
For a while, there was silence. Thinking he had finally been spared some mercy, Elby took the chance to drift off back to sleep, his head still inside that backpack.
Then, he felt something slippery. It felt weird, whatever it was. "What in the-"
And then the entire backpack was wet.
"Excellent job, Seaking!" Ruki shouted, "Splash is always super effective."
Elby quickly jolted up, surprised, to say the least. Then he went back down. Having a fish trying to flop around whilst squeezed in with your head in a backpack didn't exactly do wonders for your balance.
"What is thi- bluhglub I bubloblioble" was about all he could get out between all the water and the slimy fish in his face.
"ALRIGHT, now that that's done, let's go!" Ruki commanded, walking off without bothering to recall the Seaking.
CRASH, BLAM, BUBLORK, ssssSHVOOM
Between the slimy fish trying to follow its master and Elby just trying to regain his balance, the two managed to slip and crash all over the place, not exactly getting anywhere.
Ruki was tapping her foot at the door, looking on her wrist where a watch would be if she had one. "COME ON ALREADY! How are we going to get to the Elite 4 in time if you two are going to waste so much time goofing off?" she scorned.
After this went on for at least ten minutes, Ruki finally butted in with "Alright, if you two can't stop making out for a second, I'll just have to separate you." She finally recalled the Seaking to its Pokeball. "Dang frisky thing," she grumbled, "I'll have to put it in a daycare center later."
Having woken up, the mother came out of her room. "Oh, you two are leaving already!" she said, glad to have caught them. Kneeling down to Elby, she gave him a hug (completely ignoring the backpack on his head) and said "Goodbye, dear, don't forget to write!" and proceeded to literally push him out the door with Ruki.
"Alright, now, we don't have time to lose if we want to battle the Elite Four in time," Ruki explained, "so quick, take us there using Extreme Speed!"
Elby merely stood there silently.
Dot dot dot.
"I SAID," Ruki finally shouted, grabbing on to Elby, "use EXTREME SPEED!" and there he goes, way to the north. Quite a throwing arm Ruki has.
A lot of running and at least a dozen more throws later, Elby now found him flying not into dirt this time (or a Cacturn, or that Beedrill nest, or that Ariados' web...), but a nice brick wall.
"Ah, a place." Ruki commented as she walked up. "The home of the Elite Four, and more importantly, the Champion." She grabbed on to one of the backpack's straps and and dragged Elby inside.
"ALRIGHT, BLASTED ELITE FOUR! I'VE COME TO CHALLENGE YOU! SHOW YOURSELVES!" she shouted at the top of her lungs, pointing in the air dramatically as she entered.
"Excuse me, do you have all eight badges?" a woman nearby, behind a desk, asked, unphased by Ruki's, uh... loud demeanor.
"Bah, I have two, and they were easy! The rest would be the same! Two is ALL I NEED!" Ruki responded, seeming as confidant as ever.
Without missing a beat, the woman replied "I'm sorry, ma'am, but if you don't have eight badges, I'm afraid I can't--"
"Tell me, Ms. Cekretarie, does a baby platypus wait around before climbing out of its mother's womb and claiming the land for its own?" a man interrupted, walking in from the doorway next to the desk. He had short, neat light purple hair, wore a black business suit. Most apparent, though, was the pair of bright pink sunglasses he wore.
"Sir, platypi come out in eggs--" Ms. Cekretarie had began.
"PRECISELY! So tell me, are you a platypus, young lady?" he went on to ask.
Ruki stood triumphantly, shouting "OF COURSE NOT!"
And then he smacked her on the head. "The correct answers is only on Tuesdays, as that's when Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff reruns air, so now I have to beat you in a battle to punish you for your lack of respect for quality television."
Ruki rubbed the back of her head in pain, responding with "I- what? I mean, YES! Wait, you are an Elite Four member, right?"
"Does a koala enjoy a good pastry while watching a sumo match?" the man replied without missing a beat.
Ruki was just dumbfounded. "Uh... I don't--" and then a Pokeball bounced off her forehead. "OW!"
As the Pokeball landed, out came something large and purple, seeming to appear weightless despite its size. It's red eyes stared into its opponent, it's large, toothy smile seeming unnaturally large.
"Right! GO, USE MEGA PUNCH!" Ruki shouted, launching Elby towards the Gengar, sending him flying out from the backpack.
"Wha-" was all he could say at these events before phasing through the Gengar and crashing into the wall behind it.
"Quick, Gengar, show that weird Pokemon its deepest, darkest nightmares, leaving it with nothing but peanut butter to find solace in: USE LICK!" the man quickly shouted.
"I don't even--" Elby tried to protest, but to no avail as he was suddenly covered from toe to head in warm saliva as he rested upside down on the wall.
"Damn, he's paralyzed." Ruki cursed to herself, "QUICK! USE REST!"
"Hurry, before it counters with sleep, Sucker Punch!" he shouted, resulting with Elby flying into the air as the Gengar gave him a nasty uppercut. "Shadow Ball! Confusion! Night Shade! Spite! Mean Look! Spite! Spite! Shadow Ball!"
After a solid 30 seconds of being tossed around in the air like a rag doll, Elby finally hit the ground.
...
...
...
Ever so slowly, Elby woke up, not entirely sure of what happened. He looked around, but to no avail, as there was merely darkness in all direc--
"What do you mean I can't get him healed here?!" a familiar voice shouted.
"I don't think that's a Pokemon. And even if it is, I can't heal it if it's not in a Pokeball." another, not so familiar, but much gentler voice said.
"Nonsense!" the first voice shouted. "Don't you see this thing? This is its Pokeball! I know it's not exactly standard issue, but..."
Suddenly, Elby's vision was flooded with light. He covered his eyes, being used to the darkness.
"This?" the Nurse Joy asked sarcastically, holding up the backpack that was on Elby's head just prior. "This is a backpack."
"Bah, whatever." Ruki replied resignedly, "We'll just take our business elsewhere." She snatched the backpack out of the Nurse's hands and drug Elby out by his feet.
"Wow," Nurse Joy muttered to herself, "kids are !#%$."
Elby decided to not even object to being dragged around, figuring by this point, doing so would somehow make things even worse. Looking around, he noted that they were back in Sunset City. Apparently the fight with that Elite Four man hadn't gone well after he went out.
"Well, if it isn't Stick LB!" a familiar voice rang out.
Ruki stopped, turning towards her dead weight. "You know these guys?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Of course he knows us! He knows everyone in this town. All those special times together..." the boy explained, smirking as he pounded his fist into the palm of his other hand, "Now if you'll excuse us, we have some business with him."
Ruki looked at the kids, then back at Elby, then back at the kids. "That's called Pokemon abuse, y'know." Ruki finally chimed in.
"Yeah? And so what are you going to do about it?" the boy asked, stepping forward.
"Child abuse." she replied, throwing a Pokeball at them, releasing a Seaking.
Aaaaand we'll just skip ahead again, because hopefully you still don't want to see kids get the crap beaten out of them.
"Bah, hiding behind your girlfriend, like the pansy you are! We'll get you next time!" the kid shouted as he ran off.
Elby simply stared at them as they ran off into the distance. He thought to himself, "They're finally fought off... Maybe things won't be so bad now. Maybe what my mother said is true, maybe I really have finally found... a frie-"
"What are you doing out of your Pokeball?!" Ruki interrupted, putting the backpack back over Elby's head. "Dang troublesome Pokemon that can't even fight for itself, geeze." she went on, grumbling as she began dragging Elby off again.
"Hold it!" a voice suddenly shouted. Ruki, however, paid no mind and kept trodding along. "I SAID HOLD IT!" it repeated, much louder this time. Ruki just kept on truckin'. "IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HOLD IT I WILL MAKE YOU HOLD IT, GOD DAMMIT!" it said one last time. Ruki, of course, ignored this even still. With that, though, she quickly found herself tackled to the ground.
"fhsaofishdoif GO SEAKING, USE A SPLASH ATTACK!" Ruki quickly shouted, taken off-guard as her face was introduced to the lovely Mr. Dirt. The Seaking did as it was instructed, and splashed some water around, which somehow managed to only hit Elby.
As Ruki slowly got up, she saw her attacker: a young girl, albeit older than Ruki and Elby, with purple hair that went over one eye and was tied back in a pony-tail. She wore a yellow short-sleeved jacket with a white shirt underneath, as well as a short blue skirt. The most attention-grabbing part of her, though, was a pair of orange triangle sunglasses and fake bushy mustache that she wore.
"Just who the hell are you?" Ruki asked, rubbing her head as she stood up.
"Just who the hell do you think I am?!" the girl replied a little too quickly.
Ruki simply paused, not quite sure how to respond.
The girl finally spoke up again, "Uh, I mean, you can call me Shades. I just wanted to say that I could totally take that, uh, Pokemon off your hands, since it's so useless for you."
Ruki rubbed her chin, seriously considering it. Finally, she spoke up, "Nah, I'm thinking it might have some secret ability or becomes super strong when it evolves, like Feebas or Magikarp, or something like that. Figure it's gotta have something worthwhile."
Shades quickly replied, "Well, uh, I could just borrow it, and make it stronger for you! I know exactly how to do it, and then you can just take it back later, strong as ever! You've got lots of badges and other Pokemon to get I'm sure, so you wouldn't want to waste all your time on one little Pokemon, right?"
More chin rubbing. "I guess you got a point there. Alright, you can take it, and here's my phone number for whenever it's ready, or whatever." Ruki finally agreed, handing over the soggy backpack-covered lump. "What's your number, then?"
"Uhhh," Shades mumbled, thinking quickly, "123-4567, yep, totally." Taking Elby, she simply tossed him behind her.
"Alright, thanks, I guess. Now I've got stuff to do, see you!" Ruki said, waving and walking off.
Taken aback by everything happening so quickly, Elby sat idly, wondering just what the hell just happened. His thoughts were quickly interrupted, however, by Shades yanking the backpack off his head and put a fist up to his face. "Pound?" she asked. Elby simply flinched, holding his arms in front of his face and looking away, expecting the worst.
Shades shook her head, seeming entirely disappointed by this. "It's even worse than I thought." she mumbled to herself. Addressing Elby, now, she raised her voice, crossing her arms as she shouted, "Alright, maggot, we've got a lot of work to do if you're ever going to be worthy of being my travelling partner." Suddenly, she pointed dramatically down, right into Elby's face, causing him to flinch once again. "FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS! What are your parents like, and how did they raise you?"
Once he was sure he wasn't about to get pummeled, Elby looked up, answering, "Uh, well, my mother's really nice, although she can be kind of... ditzy, I guess. She generally just lets me do what I want, and tries to comfort and support me when things go wrong."
"Mhm, I see, I see..." Shades said, nodding her head periodically as she made motions as if she were writing something on a piece of paper in her hand, despite having neither paper nor anything to write with.
"As for my dad, well..." Elby began, trailing off as he tried to think of just the right words. After a moment, he decided on something, and reached into his coat, digging around for something. Finally, he pulled out a piece of paper, and held it up for Shades to see. "He's not around much, but he's totally awesome and gives me something to shoot for, as I try to follow in his footsteps. He makes some really awesome things with plaid and makes a ton of money from it."
Shades looked up at the piece of paper, inspecting it closely. On it were some crude drawings of some sort of black, vaguely-humanoid creature that had white eyes and a zigzaggy white mouth. It had stick-like arms and legs, both of which seemed rather squiggly and odd-shaped. Perhaps its most distinguishing feature, though, was the large red tie it wore.
Satisfied, Shades looked back down at her invisible paper and wrote down some more things with her invisible pen, nodding a few more times. As she finished, she pointed dramatically again, once again causing Elby to flinch. "ALRIGHT, next order of business! What do you usually do with your free time?" she asked.
Elby simply replied, "Well, most of the time I watch TV or go play at the arcade, and--"
"SO YOU LIKE MACHINES! PERFECT!" Shades quickly shouted, picking Elby up and running off before he could get another word in.
Without much delay, the two arrived at their destination: a soda vending machine with an "Out of Order" sign on it. "Alright, you use machines a lot, so your first mission is to FIX THIS THING!" Shades shouted, quickly shoving Elby up through the part that typically dispenses the soda. It was a tight fit, taking quite a bit of effort, but she eventually managed to shove him all the way in.
Elby simply sat there inside the machine, having very little room to move and not being able to see anything.
"So? How's the damage?" Shades' voice came in from outside.
Finally regaining his bearings, Elby replied, "Um... I have no idea. I can't even see anything. It'd be nice if I had some actual--" Suddenly, the machine filled with light. "Oh, thank you." he simply said.
"Thank you? For what?" Shades asked, confused, "Did you find your true self in there, allowing you to grow stronger as a person, so as to overcome all obstacles and just be a general badass?"
"What? No. The light, I--" Elby began, stopping as he noticed the source of the light. It was small, round, and yellow, with some black stripes in certain areas, the light emanating from electricity coming from a plug-like growth coming from the top of its head, which was also its torso.
An Elekid.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Elby began screaming at the top of his lungs. The Elekid, in turn, screamed right back. Eventually, it remembered that it could shock things, and so the Elekid responded to this threat by discharging electricity. Lots of it.
"What is it?" Shades called, "Do they only have diet?
As if to answer her, the machine exploded violently, sending soda cans flying everywhere.
Elby, somehow still conscious, weakly stood up, looking around to see if that yellow menace was still around. Before that, though, he saw Shades, laying on the ground near where the machine once was. Worried, he quickly ran up to her, asking "Shades? You okay?"
She slowly opened her eyes, staring up into the sky. She reached up into the air, only to have her arm fall back down. Weakly, she spoke out, "Augh... a fair maiden such as I... can only be revived by the kiss of a badass hero dude." It would've been dramatic had the mustache not been blown out of place and now looked like some sort of huge unibrow.
Elby wanted to question this, but he didn't have it in him to deny what could very well be someone's dying wish. Going along with it, he closed his eyes, moving in closer... closer...
...
"HELL NAW!" Shades screamed, quickly springing up, knocking Elby away violently, "You are neither badass, nor a hero, and for all I know, not a even a dude!"
Elby slowly got back up once again, somehow even more dazed by Shades' violence even more than the explosion.
Facing towards him, Shades put on the angriest face she could muster. "LOOK AT THAT!" she shouted, pointing towards a yellow lump. The Elekid was just now recollecting itself, slowly beginning to stand up. "THE FOE ISN'T EVEN VANQUISHED YET! HOW CAN YOU EVER HOPE TO BE A BADASS HERO DUDE IF YOU QUIT BEFORE THE JOB'S EVEN DONE?!" she went on shouting.
"Ugh... it's just a... friggin' Pokemon. Stupid little thing, just..." Elby grumbled, still dizzy from all the head trauma.
"DID I ASK FOR EXCUSES?!" Shades continued to yell, "THAT THING HAS DISGRACED YOU, AND YOU WILL MAKE IT PAY FOR ITS CRIMES! Oh hey, free soda." Finally noticing the cans sprayed around, she quickly helped herself.
Elby shook his head, trying his best to clear his mind. "Right, okay, I'll beat up the Pokemon, or whatever." he replied. Looking around, he came upon a decision and bent down, picking up a rock and throwing it at the Elekid. It missed. Elby grumbled to himself, picking up yet another rock and throwing it, as well, this one hitting.
Having finally got up, the Elekid turned towards the source of the rock, and yelled, waving its arms frantically, trying its best to look threatening.
Unwavered, Elby threw another rock, and another, and another, and ANOTHER, and ANO-- wait, where'd it go? Confused, Elby looked around, not sure how the Elekid managed to just disappear all of a sudden when he had been looking right at it.
"EXCELLENT WORK!" Shades suddenly shouted, patting Elby on the back (which, of course, surprised him and caused him to fall over on his face). "You caught your first Pokemon! You still got a ways to go, but this is definitely a start."
Elby simply stared at Shades, only finding himself able to say "What."
Shades walked over to the pile of rocks where the Elekid had once been, and picked up a Pokeball. "Savor your victory, now, as it shall be the first of many." she said as she tossed the Pokeball to Elby. Still confused, the Pokeball just managed to hit his face, knocking him out of the trance as the ball fell into his hands.
"So, now that you've finally obtained your first Pokemon, what are you going to do?" Shades asked as Elby stared down at the Pokeball. His very first. What adventures would await them...?
"Throw it away." Elby answered, chucking the Pokeball away as hard as he could. "Pokemon are dumb creatures capable of little more than violence." he spat, turning away.
Moving quickly, Shades caught the Pokeball before it flew out of sight. "C'mon, they're totally more than mindless killing machines!" she interjected. "Oddish! Show him who you are--an infinite well of determination, loyalty, and compassion!" she yelled, throwing out a Pokeball that released an Oddish, wearing sunglasses and a fake mustache just like Shades'.
Unfortunately, Elby decided to ignore this and was already walking off. "I'm going home," he growled, "these past couple days have left me exhausted."
"Hey, now, you belong to me!" she shouted, grabbing Elby by the back of the collar, "Even if you're not going to use Pokemon yet, you and I have much to do."
"More of your insane combat training?" Elby grumbled, "What's next? Ursarang wrestling? Punching Sharpedos? Or maybe we'll go on a field trip and go fight in an actual war?"
Shades simply smiled as she dragged Elby off. "Oh, you'll see," she said, "You'll see."
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