Dashed Expectations

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 7:33 am 
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Location: Lively Town
August 18th

jesus un
jesus under fire
jesus united by thy grace
jesus underground
jesus understands
jesus underwear
jesus unconditional love
jesus unicorn
jesus unclean food
jesus university
jesus unplugged

I assume this is a substitution for a chastity belt. What a turn on, to remove someone's clothes only to find Jesus staring up at you from their crotch. Abstinence might make a comeback amongst teenagers if these were made to be mandatory undergarments.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 7:37 am 
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August 19th

you smell like a
you smell like a baby prostitute
you smell like a polo
you smell like aftershave and taco meat
you smell like a turd
you smell like a father figure
you smell like a winner
you smell like a baby prostitute gif
you smell like a insults
you smell like a monkey birthday song
you smell like a monkey birthday song lyrics

Although your favorite Mexican "restaurant" is trying to get into the beauty industry by marketing "Body by Taco Bell," keep in mind that the fragrance is an automatic freebie anytime you make the mistake of downing a Chalupa or eight after the bars have closed.

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2015 7:39 am 
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August 20th

Joe biden is a
joe biden is an idiot
joe biden is a moron
joe biden is a dumbass
joe biden is a fool
joe biden is a badass
joe biden is awesome
joe biden is a jerk
joe biden is a joke
joe biden is a jackass
joe biden is a buffoon

The possible search results for our distinguished veep include him being an idiot, a moron, a dumbass, a fool, a jerk, a joke, a jackass, and a buffoon. I wonder what would have happened if Google existed when Dan Quayle was vice president?

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2015 3:34 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
August 21st

what would happen if you ate y
what would happen if you ate yeast
what would happen if you ate your poop
what would happen if you ate yourself
what would happen if you ate your own poop

If you were a woman, you would have a future in porn. If you were a guy, you would be twice as big and disappear completely. It's still science.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 5:59 am 
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August 22nd/23rd

making a baby f
making a baby from scratch
making a baby from pictures
making a baby free
making a baby face
making a baby for free
making a baby fleece blanket

Recipe courtesy of Julia Child: Add one !#%$ to one ovulating !#%$. Ejaculate. Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2015 6:01 am 
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Location: Lively Town
August 24th

poop ca
poop cake
poop cartoons
poop cake recipe
poop calendar
poop candy
poop catcher game
poop calculator
poop catcher
pop cap
poop causes pink eye

Make a memo to all the online translators...In English, we call Mr. Crapper's novel invention a "toilet."

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 6:18 am 
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August 25th

miley cyrus is a hor
miley cyrus is a horrible role model
miley cyrus is a horrible person
miley cyrus is a horse
miley cyrus is a horrible actress
miley cyrus is a hore
miley cyrus hot
miley cyrus terrible singer
miley cyrus kissing a horse
miley cyrus riding a horse
miley cyrus in a horror movie

Are there really people out that that do not know how to spell this common nickname for the world's oldest profession? Next thing you know, they will be talking about whookers.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 6:19 am 
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August 26th

my baby ate a
my baby ate a cigarette
my baby ate a stink bug
my baby ate a crayon
my baby ate a bug
my baby ate a penny
my baby ate a baby wipe
my baby ate a ladybug
my baby ate a leaf
my baby ate a sticker
my baby ate a spider

Every day, tobacco companies are trying new angles to get kids hooked on smoking. The recent addition of cigarettes as the "toy" in Happy Meals has apparently made babies eating cigarettes a very common occurrence.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 6:21 am 
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Location: Lively Town
August 27th

my boyfriend fa
my boyfriend farts too much
my boyfriend farts in front of me
my boyfriend farts all the time
my boyfriend family hates me
my boyfriend farts on me
my boyfriend falls asleep
my boyfriend farts a lot
my boyfriend farts in his sleep
my boyfriend facebook
my boyfriend falling out love me

If your boyfriend's idea of holding hands is him constantly telling you to pull his finger, time to get a new boyfriend.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 6:23 am 
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Location: Lively Town
August 28th

my bre
my breast friend
my breast milk is decreasing
my breasts are sore
my bread
my breasts hurt
my brest friend vs boppy
my breast are sore what does that mean
my breasts are getting bigger
my brest friend slipcover
my breath smells like poo

Shocker here, but your boyfriend isn't nearly as distraught over this concern as you are.

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 6:24 am 
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Location: Lively Town
August 29/30th

my cat ate a c
my cat ate a chicken bone
my cat ate a condom
my cat ate a cricket
my cat ate a !#%$
my cat ate a centipede
my cat ate a chipmunk
my cat ate a cotton ball
my cat ate a cigarette
my cat ate a cymbalta
my cat ate a cooked chicken bone

You know that nasty sound that cats make when they have a hairball in their throat and they are retching to get it out? Imagine how much more disgusto it would be if your kitty was trying to hack out a mess of sauced-up ribbed latex...

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2015 6:26 am 
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Location: Lively Town
August 31st

osama bin laden is h
osama bin laden is he dead
osama bin laden is he really dead
osama bin laden is hot
osama bin laden is he real
osama bin laden is hero
osama bin laden is hanged virus
osama bin laden is hide and seek champion
osama bin laden is hiding in iran
where osama bin laden is hiding
osama bin laden where is he from

Correction: He used to be the hide and seek champion. Navy Seals are the new champions.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 10:34 am 
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Location: Lively Town
September 1st

why is there
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch
why is there fuzz on a tennis ball
why is there a worm in tequila
why is there an apple on the cover of twilight
why is there no j street in dc
why is there two l's in google
why is there blood in my stool
why is there a barcode on google
why is there a circle around the moon
why is there daylight savings time

First things first. The question should be, why are there two L's in Google, not, why is there? And apparently I am missing something here...

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 02, 2015 10:37 am 
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Location: Lively Town
September 2nd

my cat h
my cat has worms
my cat has fleas
my cat has diarrhea
my cat hates you
my cat hates my new puppy
my cat has a cold
my cat has white worms
my cat has a uti
my cat has dandruff
my cat has allergies

Tell your cat to go straight to Hell. And, for the record, I do not like him either. It appears that your cat has diarrhea, worms, white worms, dandruff, bad breath, gas and fleas. I will venture a guess that your Tabby with endless baggage doesn't have a lot of fans.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 5:39 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
September 3rd

my cow
my cowboy lyrics
my cow is a lovely helicopter
my cowboy music video
my coworkers don't like me
my cowboy jessie james video
my coworker is an idiot
my coworker hates me
my coworkers is a slacker
my coworker smells
my cowboy jessie james mediafire

Rural farm kids with Internet access are proving that acid is no longer a drug exclusively for the use of teenagers at raves. We are anxious to see what form the already enigmatic sport of cow tipping takes in this state of delirium.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 5:41 pm 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
September 4th

my cutic
my cuticles hurt
my cuticles are peeling
my cuticle is bleeding
my cuticles are dark
my cuticle is gone
my cuticles are so dry
my cuticles are gone
my cuticles are a mess
my cuticles are dry
my cuticle is infected

Maybe a trip to visit that horrid smelling place at the mall would cure this problem, rather than continual banging of your ugly ass fingers on a computer keyboard hoping Google will somehow magically perform that much-needed mani pedi.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 5:43 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
September 5th/6th

my life is tr
my life is troll face
my life is troll
my life is true
my life is truman show eminem
my life is truman show
my life is tragic
my life is trapped in these lines
my life is trapped in these lines lyrics
my life is trembling i have no control
my life is treating me

Proof positive that Snooki uses Google as her search engine of choice.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 10:15 am 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
September 7th

my son's fi
my son's first birthday
my son's first day of school
my son's first haircut
my son's first day of kindergarten
my son's fiancee
my son's first birthday poem
my son's first bra
my son's first birthday party
my son's first day of preschool
my son's fingers are peeling

It's a parent's proud day when they can march little junior into Victoria's Secret to buy his first training bra. Tommy's tiny titties need support so they will grow into full fledged man boobs, the kind that require a push up manizer. Moobs.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:14 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
September 8th

my wife le
my wife left me
my wife left me what do i do
my wife left town with a banana
my wife left me for a guy named jesus
my wife left me for another woman
my wife left me for a woman
my wife left me for jesus
my wife let herself go
my wife left with the kids
my wife left me and wont talk to me

A cucumber? That I could see. A salami? No problem there. But being kicked to the curb for a banana is just plain bad taste. Unless, of course, it was split in two with a couple of scoops of ice cream and some hot fudge.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:17 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
September 9th

nancy pelosi is b
nancy pelosi is !#%$ crazy
nancy pelosi is bad
nancy pelosi is beautiful
nancy pelosi is a bad catholic
nancy pelosi biography
nancy pelosi bio
nancy pelosi breast size
nancy pelosi botox
nancy pelosi brother in law

Everyone knows that Nancy Pelosi is insane, but it was only after her butler Alfred at Stately Wayne Manor had !#%$ Grayson give her a series of psychological tests that determined she reached the highest level of mental disturbance based on bat guano.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:19 pm 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
September 10th

fun ways to t
fun ways to teach vocabulary
fun ways to teach multiplication
fun ways to tell family you're pregnant
fun ways to teach grammar
fun ways to teach division
fun ways to teach math
fun ways to teach fractions
fun ways to teach spelling
fun ways to tell people you're pregnant
fun ways to teach sight words

The most fun way to go about this would be to leave a receipt from Planned Parenthood on the counter.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:21 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
September 11th

tom cruise ea
tom cruise eats placenta
tom cruise early movies
tom cruise eagle scout
tom cruise eats baby placenta
tom cruise earnings
tom cruise easy money
tom cruise early life
tom cruise eat katie holmes placenta
tom cruise eating after birth
tom cruise earnings per movie

I guess it is not enough that Mr. Katie Holmes is a !#%$ and (gasp) bad actor. But now, the gods of Google have to make derogatory comments about his favorite food of choice. Placenta: The New White Meat.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:24 pm 
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Location: Lively Town
September 12th/13th

next time i'm
next time i'm in town lyrics
next time i'm in church no photos
next time i'm gonna marry for money
next time i'm in church please no photos lyrics
next time i'm in town
the next time i'm in town chords
the next time i'm in town

Next time I'm in church no photos. Seriously, paparazzi. Every time you take a picture of me falling asleep during the sermon, the flash distracts the pastor from his focus on the altar boys. A little respect for the house of God, please.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:25 pm 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
September 14th

jesus r
jesus resurrection
jesus real name
jesus return
jesus radicals
jesus real birthday
jesus report
jesus riding a dinosaur
jesus raptor
jesus rides the subway
jesus ranch

This Whoogle leads you to a famous painting found, not in the Louvre of Guggenheim, but rather at every good flea market. In this piece of fine art (some believers say it is a photograph) Jesus is shown riding a brontosaurus into Jerusalem.

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2015 11:29 pm 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
September 15th

never let a c
never let a crisis go to waste
never let a crackhead sing at your funeral
never let a crisis go to waste quote
never let a crackhead sing at your wedding
never let a crisis
never let a cowboy make the coffee
never let a crackhead sing at a funeral
never let a crisis go
never let a chance go by
never let a chance go by oh lord

True words of priceless wisdom.

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