Dashed Expectations

September 25th

poop f
poop facts
poop floats
poop freeze
poop from there
poop floating or sinking
poop floating
poop floats dr oz
poop face
poop for sale
poop font

Any bidders? Shop around and compare! Lower prices than eBay! And, for you nice lady, we will throw in a free colostomy bag so you can carry your !#%$ home without fear of breakage.

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September 26th-27th

when did i stop being b
when did i stop being barbie and become mrs potato head
when did i stop being barbie
when did i stop being barbie book

Three words. Your wedding day. At least that's what Ken/Mr. Potato Head is telling all of his buddies at the bar right now, while he alternates between ripping on your shoddy cooking skills and ruing the fact that he has not been laid in over two months.

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September 28th

pre

preakness stakes 2010
pregnancy week by week
preakness
pregnancy calculator
prednisone
precious
pregnancy symptoms
pregnancy
prednisone side effects
pregnancy pact

Hewlett Packard's finest invention: 1 !#%$ + 1 !#%$ + 1,000,000 sperm - 1 birth control device = 1 fetus.

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September 29th

russians c
russians cut apart and reassemble dogs
russians claim "indisputable proof" of yeti
russians culture
russians climb bridge
russians chords
russians coming to america
russians chicago
russians controlling weather
russians coney island
russians claim proof of yeti

I hate when Boris and Natasha have broken into my home and left reassembly stitches on Rover's little paws. The superglue is hard to get out of the shag rug, but at least his urethra is reattached and he is still housetrained post-Rooskie treatment.

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September 30th

santa claus is go
santa claus is going straight to the ghetto
santa claus is coming to town lyrics
santa claus is coming to town
santa claus is coming to town movie
santa claus is coming to town chords
santa claus is coming to town justin bieber
santa claus is coming to town bruce springsteen
santa claus is coming to town sheet music
santa claus is coming to town justin bieber lyrics
santa claus is coming to town soundtrack

Despite the fact that "Santa Baby" does not rap his anthems while Blitzen beatboxes, his "Ho, Ho, Ho!" cries are sometimes misunderstood, causing the neighborhood pimps to think he is trying to move in on their business.

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October 1st

my cat ate a w
my cat ate a wasp
my cat ate a whole watermelon
my cat ate a worm
my cat ate a whole mouse
my cat ate a wishbone
my cat ate a fly what do i do

A whole watermelon? You must be using the term "cat" very loosely. Check with your state Department of Pets, but I am pretty sure having a lion at your home is illegal.

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October 2nd

satan b
satan bible
satan burger
satan bible verses
satan band
satan bite the dust
satan bite the dust lyrics
satan beer
satan before the fall
satan being cast out of heaven
satan bug

Sometimes you can't resist the temptation and have to go to McDevils to order one of those bad boys. But, I hate those ads where the evil clown Lonnie McLucifer tries to convince children to order an Unhappy Meal just to get the cheap toy pitchfork.

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October 3rd/4th

why is there a dea
why is there a dead
why is there a death penalty
why is there a dead zone in the gulf of mexico
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch yahoo
why is there a death tax
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch google
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch wiki
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch origin
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch yahoo answers

Easy one here. Because your crawl space was already full.

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Enunciate!

October 5th

scientologists are e
scientologists are evil
are scientologists exempt from obamacare
scientologists eat placenta
scientologists east grinstead
scientologists e meter
scientologists edinburgh
scientologists exposed
scientologists end of world
scientologists eat afterbirth
are scientologists tax exempt

Somehow, eating placenta does not seem strange for a "religion" based on aliens from outer space being dropped out of DC-10s into volcanoes.

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October 6th

seme
semester at sea
semen-based recipes
semester grade calculator
semester
semenya
semester hours
seme uke quiz
semele
seme uke
semester exam calculator

Hey, don't knock it until you try it. The addition of protein never hurts and most foods are not salted enough anyway.

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October 7th

sometimes i wonder
sometimes i wonder lyrics
sometimes i wonder why is that frisbee getting bigger and then it hit me
sometimes i wonder quotes
sometimes i wonder how i keep from going under
sometimes i wonder who i am
sometimes i wonder who you'd be today lyrics
sometimes i wonder where i've been
sometimes i wonder why you even love me
sometimes i wonder why
sometimes i wonder goodfellas

In order to avoid expensive litigation, Wham-O needs to add a warning label that reads: Attention uncoordinated pothead. The plastic disc your stoner buddy hurled at you may be closer than it appears.

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October 8th

stalkers a
stalkers anthem
stalkers and their victims
stalkers are back
stalkers and facebook
stalkers app on facebook
stalkers assassins creed revelations
stalkers and social networking
stalkers are op
stalkers at work
stalkers anonymous

How do the meetings work? Do they converge in a church basement to fess up to their penchant for binoculars? Or does everybody sit in strategically located trees and peer through the curtains and in a creepy whisper admit that they are an addict?

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October 9th

thank god for s
thank god for scoliosis
thank god for small favors
thank god for small miracles archer
thank god for science
thank god for small miracles
thank god for saturday lyrics
thank god for slavery
thank god for small mercies
thank god for sentinel
thank god for sisters

Google has provided suggestion of things to be thankful for that you wouldn't want to overlook as you sit at the table with family you hate. Satan. Slavery and Scoliosis, without which Quasimodo (and Two and a Half Men) might never be famous.

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October 10th/11th

why am i so
why am i so tired
why am i so ugly
why am i so gassy
why am i so angry
why am i so fat
why am i so lazy
why am i so hungry
why am i so sad
why am i so depressed
why am i so itchy

I know what you are thinking. Why can't I meet the super hot guy or girl who asked Google these questions? Who doesn't want to get to know this tired, ugly, fat, angry, hungry, lazy, sad, farting prize?

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October 12th

why are americans af
why are americans afraid of socialism
why are americans afraid of communism
why are americans afraid of dragons ursula le guin
why are americans afraid of death
why are americans afraid of dragons essay
why are americans afraid of dragons
why are americans afraid of dragons le guin
why are americans afraid of universal healthcare
why are americans afraid of health care reform
why are americans afraid of socialized medicine

People laugh at us "silly Americans" for our fear of huge, scary lizards. In return we laugh at their propensity to not bathe daily, coins that do not fit in our vending machines and use of English As A Second Language. Who looks silly now, Mr. Foreign Person?

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October 13th

the bed
the bed son lyrics amanda palmer
the bed is undefiled
the bed restaurant in miami
the bed is on fire with passion and love
the bed that eats people
the bed store
the bed sitting room
the bed is on fire with passionate love
the bed and breakfast inn at la jolla
the bedwetting store

No boogeyman int he closet, no monster under the bed. "No Johnny, there is nothing to be scared of. I checked your closet and I looked under the mattress. Let's just hope you don't have that bed that eats people. Good night. Don't let the bed bugs bite!"

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October 14th

obama love
obama love
obama love child
obama loves america like oj
obama lovers
obama loves muslims
obama loves america
obama loves wall street
obama loves life
obama loves war
obama love affair

Barack proved that anyone can become president and OJ proved that America will let you have your freedom even if you brutally murder your wife and an innocent waiter, as long as you were a former football star and appeared in Police Academy movies.

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October 15th

the government is l
the government is lying to you
the government is likely to block a merger if
the government is lying
the government is lying about 911
the government is like
the government is likely to prosecute when a corporation
the government is like the mafia
the government is legally committed to spending for uncontrollables
the government is like a condom

The one thing the government has in common with a condom is that they both prevent you from feeling good while you are getting screwed.

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October 16th

this is some
this is some !#%$
this is some powerful stuff lyrics
this is some serious !#%$
this is some scene
this is some serious !#%$ robot chicken
this is some powerful stuff song
this is some damn good coffee
this is some powerful stuff
this is some minx's token

Huh? The only possible explanation is Charlie Sheen + a Laptop + Lots o' Drugs = This Whoogle.

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October 17th/18th

obama likes to k
obama likes key and peele
obama likes kolaveri
obama likes kpop
obama likes korea
obama likes krabby patties
obama likes kfc
obama likes kolaveri di
obama likes the killers

The president and Mr. Krabs are both extremely upset that Edward Snowden apparently leaked the secret recipe.

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October 19th

tom cruise k
tom cruise katie holmes
tom cruise kills oprah
tom cruise katie holmes marriage contract
tom cruise knight and day
tom cruise katie holmes height
tom cruise katie holmes wedding
tom cruise katie
tom cruise kelly mcgillis
tom cruise katie holmes contract
tom cruise katie holmes split

You would think that this would have been a much bigger story. One of the most famous actors in the world murdered the most famous and powerful woman in media? How did TMZ miss this one?

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October 20th

was h
was hitler jewish
was hitler a jew
was hitler a vegetarian
was hitler a christian
was hamelt in love with ophelia
was hiroshima a military target
was hitler's body ever found
was hitler an atheist
was helen keller married
was hannibal black

Yes, the Holocaust was just Hitler projecting self-hatred on millions of others.

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October 21st

was thomas jefferson b
was thomas jefferson black
was thomas jefferson born in america
was thomas jefferson broke
was thomas jefferson british
was thomas jefferson baptized
was thomas jefferson born in virginia
was thomas jefferson born
was thomas jefferson being a hypocrite

Of course he was, or he never could have pulled off that career-making role on "The Jeffersons." Who can forget that episode where Thomas and Weezie sat down to write the Declaration of Independence from their deeeeluxe apartment in the sky?

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Hatesgiving.