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PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 7:45 am 
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Absent from 2014, the old B tradition of posting something silly a day is back! This year's theme is Whoogles!

What is a Whoogle, for those who don't know? It stands for "Who Googled That". Basically, you know how on Google, when you type something in and suggestions pop up, you might get some that are...kind of strange, making you ask that above statement. Hence, a Whoogle! This thread will showcase over 300 of them, posting one a day (except Sundays).

The formatting will work like this:

the words being typed in the Google Search Bar
a Google suggestion
another Google suggestion
as many Google suggestions as it shows
the Whoogle suggestion
hey look another Google suggestion

And finally, concludes with a quip about the Whoogle in my calendar.

I hope we can have some fun with this and I look forward to seeing your replies every day!

------------------------------------------

January 1st
a bit of m
a bit of matter and a little bit more
a bit of marginalia crossword clue
a bit of mistletoe
a bit of magic
a bit of marginalia
a bit of mockery
a bit of makeup
a bit of myself
a bit of my tooth came off
a bit of momsense

That embarrassing moment when your meth addiction rears its ugly head and your formerly-pearly whites start to crumble like aged blue cheese.

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Last edited by The Great B-Man on Mon Oct 26, 2015 10:16 am, edited 195 times in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 01, 2015 1:02 pm 
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Whoo boy.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 7:39 am 
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January 2nd

a girl a
a girl and a gun
a girl and her fed
a girl after my own heart
a girl a boy and a graveyard
a girl and her pig
a girl a style
a girl and a glue gun
a girl and a goat
a girl and her horse quotes
a girl and a boy

Nothing excites men more than a beautiful woman, lots of beads and scalding hot glue coming out of an electric derringer.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 9:01 am 
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Horse quotes? Horse quotes?? I'm pretty sure the only thing they have to quote is "neigh." Maybe a "hee-haw" if they're having an identity crisis.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 9:50 am 
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January 3rd/4th

all is fair in n
all is fair in love n war
all is fair in love nancy wilson
all is fair in love n basketball
all is fair nik kershaw
all is fair new yorker
all is fair in love and nerf
all is not fair in boston hotels
all is fair in love and war not true
not all is fair in love and debt collection
all is not fair in war

Hard to imagine anything more romantic than a spongy ball that falls apart after about 3 days of use.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 03, 2015 5:17 pm 
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Love is so overpowered. I'm awaiting a nerf in the next patch.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 12:18 am 
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January 5th

a man who
a man who was superman
a man who was almost a man
a man who had no eyes
a man who finds a wife
a man who lived in leeds
a man who carries a cat by the tail
a man who would be king
a man who mistook his wife for a hat
a man who reads nothing at all
a man who wants nothing is invincible

A common mistake that leads to numerous marital disputes, particularly when the husband leaves his wife hanging on the hook at a bar as he drinks with his buddies.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 06, 2015 12:27 pm 
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January 6th

about my b
about my birthday
about my baby
about my browser
about my best friend
about my boyfriend
about my blog
about my blood type
about my brother
about my brain hum i have heard
about my business

It is time to ban drunk people from using Google as a search engine.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 7:15 am 
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January 7th

am i ch
am i chubby quiz
am i cheating
am i cheating on my boyfriend quiz
am i cherokee
am i charming quiz
am i charismatic quiz
am i christian or catholic
am i cheap
am i charismatic
am i cheating quiz

Google has 244,000 search results for quizzes to help you to determine whether you are cheating on your man. I have a one question quiz to help girls sort out their conundrums: Did you do something with another guy who was not your boyfriend? If you answered "yes," you are a big ol' cheater.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:03 pm 
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I was hoping for cheating quiz, lol

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 8:02 am 
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January 8th

amish o
amish online dating
amish ohio
amish outlaws
amish outlet
amish origins
amish on amish crime
amish on break
amish outdoor furniture
amish oak furniture
amish oatmeal

Electricity and computers and internet? What's next, indoor plumbing? Online Amish Spoiler Alert: After 16 months of courtship, you get the added bonus of holding hands and shortly thereafter popping out 8-10 little ZZ Top-ish farmhands.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 8:19 am 
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Location: :33 < MY SHIPS ARE PURRFECT, PAWLESS, WITHOUT P33R
actually, Rumspringa would be a very useful time to use that dating service. So, it makes some sense, I guess in a tiny circle of people that usually just get made fun of.

real talk amish are actually !#%$ hardcore and i have to admit it is really impressive to watch them work.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 9:32 am 
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January 9th

are eggs a
are eggs a dairy product
are eggs acidic
are eggs a meat
are eggs a good source of iron
are eggs a good source of protein
are eggs a complete protein
are eggs a good diet food
are eggs alive
are eggs alkaline
are eggs allowed on the daniel fast

Good news for all vegetarians: Eggs are not meat. Only after incubating into a chicken does it become meat. Using hte same logic, veal is also not meat.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 8:32 am 
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January 10th/11th

are my cats
are my cats playing or fighting
are my cats happy
are my cats bored
are my cats getting along
are my cats playing too rough
are my cats fighting
are my cats gay
are my cats stitches infected
are my cats friends
are my cats worms contagious

Here's a few things to look for: (1) Feline Membership Card in Lady Gaga Fan Club (2) Autographed Photo of Anderson Cooper hidden in litter box (3) refusal to play with a ball of string unless it is pink and (4) a sudden desire to belt out show tunes rather than meow.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:11 am 
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January 12th

are midg
are midgets born small
are midgets people
are midgets and dwarfs the same
are midget babies smaller
are midgets in proportion
are midgets handicapped
are midgets and dwarfs the same thing
are midgets strong
are midgets hereditary
are midgets disabled

WikiAnswers says: "Yes... they are the same as people but on a much much much smaller scale. They are like dwarfs-----ish." Apparently, the same idiots who frequent Google and hate midgets also contribute to the Wonderful World of Wiki.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:30 pm 
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January 13th

are my b
are my breasts growing
are my breasts normal
are my boyfriend and i compatible
are my beanie babies worth anything
are my beats fake
are my breasts still growing
are my boyfriend and i meant to be
are my baseball cards worth anything
are my balls small
are my buds ready

Golfers always ask this question, intimidated by the clearly larger balls of baseball players and, of course, basketball players. However, golfers are usually happy that their balls are not shaped like those of football players.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:24 pm 
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January 14th

are midgets
are midgets born small
are midgets and dwarfs the same
are midgets people
are midgets strong
are midgets evil
are midgets as a species more flammable than humans
are midgets in proportion
are midgets human
are midgets and dwarfs the same thing
are midgets disabled

It is a little known fact that midgets are, in fact, not a subspecies of human beings. However, it's hard to know if they are more or less flammable, because those shifty little munchkins will not stand still when you try to light them with a blowtorch.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:00 pm 
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That's, that's, that's... why.

Also, that's twice now with the midgets, people just can't get enough of them.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:34 am 
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January 15th

are my t
are my thighs fat
are my testicles black
are my tires directional
are my tonsils swollen
are my texts being monitored
are my teeth yellow
are my teeth bad
are my twins identical
are my thighs fat quiz
are my testicles black joke

There's only one way to find out for sure and it involves a knife, copious amounts of tequila and a lot of regret once you find out what color the twins really are.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 6:19 pm 
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"are my testicles black joke"

Seems this matter isn't as serious as we thought it was.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:47 am 
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January 16th

are there a a
are there a abortion pill
are there a at a level

When I think about someone whose grammar is this poor, it makes me wish there are a abortion pill their mother had taken.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 2:49 pm 
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The Great B-Man wrote:
it makes me wish there are a abortion pill their mother had taken.
dayumn. Burn!

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 9:03 am 
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January 17th/18th

are there any b
are there any black amish
are there any banks that offer free checking
are there any borders stores still open
are there any black kickers in the nfl
are there any benefits to smoking
are there any black mormons
are there any blue foods
are there any blockbusters still open
are there any beanie babies worth money
are there any black hockey players

Funeral parlor owners and oncologists stay knee deep in yachts and Bentleys as a result of Phillip Morris and the proliferation of cancer sticks. And profitable lighter and ashtray manufacturers seem to find the habit not as annoying as others.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 9:03 am 
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January 19th

are there any j
are there any jobs out there
are there any jobs for 14 year olds
are there any jewish nfl players
are there any jobs
are there any jews in germany
are there any jobs for 11 year olds
are there any jewish holidays in october
are there any jews in saudi arabia
are there any jews in iran
are there any jokes in the bible

Biblical scholars will tell you that in Rickles 3:16, there is a passage that begins, "Jesus walks into a bar with a duck under his arm..."

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 11:10 am 
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>are there any jobs

maybe they could get back to me on that

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 1:52 pm 
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January 20th

bacon d
bacon dressing for spinach salad
bacon donut
bacon dressing
bacon double cheddar crisp
bacon dip
bacon dessert recipes
bacon davis prevailing wage
bacon dip recipe
bacon diet
bacon doughnut

Sounds like something that has never been tried before, albeit for good reason. I don't want hot fudge sauce on my steak. Save the chocolate bits as a topping for my ice cream, not the Bacos.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:21 pm 
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Candied bacon actually serves as a nice topping if the rest of the dish is sweet enough to cut down the bacon flavor.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:32 pm 
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bacon on dessert actually sounds awesome if it's the right kind of dessert.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 8:42 am 
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January 21st

can a brain f
can a brain freeze kill you
can a brain freeze cause brain damage
can a brain feel pain
can a brain fart
can a brain freeze kill brain cells
can a brain freeze
can a brain feel
can a brain function without a heart
how long can a brain focus
how fast can a brain tumor grow

Studies have shown that morgues are littered with turquoise-tongued corpses found lying in 7-11 parking lots with blue raspberry Slurpee cups in their cold, dead hands and straws sticking out of their mouths.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:38 pm 
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who the !#%$ just gets one flavor

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:32 am 
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January 22nd

bacon is the
bacon is the new black
bacon is the gateway meat
bacon is the candy of meats
bacon is the new jesus
bacon is the best
bacon is the best food ever
bacon is the new black t-shirt
bacon is the answer

Is one fo the Ten Commandments, "Thou shalt not worship cured pork products?" Bacon is awesome, but I don't want to start wearing a little plastic bracelet that says WWBD. After all, bacon doesn't even float, so how could it walk on water?

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:53 am 
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I thought that's what that show Black Jesus was about.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 23, 2015 8:49 am 
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January 23rd

do gin
do gingers have souls
do ginger people have ginger pubes
do gingers feel more pain
do ginny pigs bite
do gingers go grey
do ginny and harry get married
do gingers have no soul
do gingers
do gingers have soles
do ginger people smell

The epic children's story, "The Gingerbread Man," was not illustrated with pubes even if the cookies were naked and running from the animals. Just like Barbie and Ken have no cash and prizes, the fire crotch of ginger people is left to your imagination.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 5:42 am 
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January 24th/25th

barfing g
burping games
barfing gif
barfing girl
barfing games online
barfing games

Is it the contest to see who can hold their vomit in their mouth for the longest without throwing up again? Projectile Mania, whoever blows their chunks the longest distance gets a mashed up hot dog? What about Emesis Bingo for the old folks?

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 26, 2015 10:00 am 
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January 26th

bat po
bat poop
bat poop in mascara
batpod
bat poems
bat poop coffee
bat poop in doritos
bat poison
bat pokemon
bat pollination
bat poems for kids

Leave it to those wonderful chefs at Frito Lay™ to find the magical ingredient that all other snack manufacturers missed.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 27, 2015 11:40 am 
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January 27th

because a
because aliens
because asl
because as a preposition
because abbreviation
because and commas
because across the universe
because aliens don't wear hats
because alwayscreate was specific
because and because of
because a usb device was drawing

The answer to the age-old question: "How do you know Abraham Lincoln was not born on Uranus?"

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 8:51 am 
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January 28th

bacon in t
bacon in the oven
bacon in the microwave
bacon in the toaster oven
bacon in the oven ina garten
bacon in the soap
bacon in the fridge
bacon in the microwave how long
bacon in the oven with brown sugar
bacon in the crock pot
bacon in the broiler

There is nothing better than that guy who shows up at work smelling like he just bathed in his Grand Slam at Denny's. Next up: Sausage Shampoo.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 28, 2015 5:15 pm 
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It's a thing!

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:33 am 
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January 29th

can a horse h
can a horse have twins
can a horse have triplets
can a horse heart burst
can a horse hear a dog whistle
can a horse have a stroke
can a horse have ocd
can a horse have a heart attack
can a horse have false labor
can a horse hiccup
can a horse have too much water

Is Mr. Ed constantly washing his hooves? Does Flicka leave the paddock and come back to see if the gate is locked? Is Black Beauty repeatedly rearranging the stacks of hay in her barn? Time to call Elmer's and see if they want to make some Krazy Glue.

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 8:42 am 
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January 30th

can a m
can a mac get a virus
can a man get a yeast infection
can a mosquito explode
can a mute reproduce
can a male get pregnant
can a marine become a navy seal
can a man lactate
can a man buy plan b
can a marriage survive an affair
can a man get breast cancer

What is more disturbing than seeing a bodybuilder wearing his Gold's Gym wife-beater and doing curls with wet, rough stains on his moobipples? If that visual is not disturbing enough, you may want to think twice about where Muscle Milk comes from.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 7:28 am 
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January 31st / February 1st

can a woman travel alone i
can a woman travel alone in islam

Neither women, nor men, can travel alone "in Islam" since the FAA placed onerous restrictions on anyone attempting to travel in a religion. Just try taking a cruise in Christianity or a journey in Judaism and see what we mean.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2015 10:38 pm 
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You'll find nirvana two streets down and to the left.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 11:45 pm 
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February 2nd

can blind people see t
can blind people see their dreams
can blind people see the taste of cinnamon toast crunch
can blind people see their dreams yahoo answers
can blind people see they dream
can blind people see things their dreams
can blind people see their sleep
can blind people see their head
can blind people see things
can blind people see their dreams color
can blind people see their dreams yahoo

Famed Ophthalmologist Dr. Whoogles explains, "Cinnamon Toast Crunch is one of the few cereals blind people can see the taste of. Amazingly, blind people can also smell the taste of Captain Crunch and hear the taste of Rice Crispies."

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 8:29 am 
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February 3rd

can fa
can fan
can facebook track visitors
can facebook track views
can fat turn into muscle
can fatty liver be reversed
can factory brooklyn
can farts kill you
can fabes
can farmville animals die
can fan combo

Of course they can. Haven't you heard of silent but deadly?

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 9:44 am 
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February 4th

can goog
can google voice receive fax
can google hear me
can google track your searches
can google calendar sync with outlook
can google beat china
can google calendar sync with iphone
can google voice receive mms
can google calendar sync with ical
can google talk chat with yahoo
can google read flash

Why don't you ask Google verbally instead of typing this question in and find out?

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 9:33 am 
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February 5th

can herma
can herman cain win
can herman cain beat obama
can hermaphrodites get pregnant
can hermaphrodites have kids
can hermaphrodite humans reproduce
can hermaphrodites reproduce
can hermaphrodites get pregnant by themselves
can herman cain win the nomination
can herman cain win the republican nomination
can hermaphrodites produce sperm

Not many people realize this, but the answer is, "I think I am about to vomit from thinking about the concept."

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 1:16 am 
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5 Easy Ways to Have A Child With All Your Recessive Genes! The Third One WILL Change Your Life!

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 06, 2015 8:49 am 
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February 6th

can i eat a
can i eat a potato with sprouts
can i eat a hot dog when pregnant
can i eat a potato that has sprouted
can i eat a hot dog while pregnant
can i eat a potato with eyes
can i eat a green potato
can i eat a dead lobster
can i eat a green banana
can i eat a brown avocado
can i eat a whole avocado

Eating a dead lobster is always better. Live lobsters poke you in the eyes with their snapping claws as you put them in your mouth. And PETA will be all over your ass if you dip Larry The Lobster into drawn butter while his little crustacean heart is still beating.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 07, 2015 4:46 am 
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February 7th/8th

can i eat m
can i eat mayonnaise while pregnant
can i eat mushrooms when pregnant
can i eat mahi mahi while pregnant
can i eat moldy bread
can i eat mussels when pregnant
can i eat my own poop
can i eat moldy cheese
can i eat mussels while pregnant
can i eat mexican food while pregnant

Soon we are probably going to see poop-based recipes to go with the semen-based recipes. This will be followed by a cookbook from the !#%$ Contessa telling you all the ways to blend your bodily excretions and concoct them into a delightful casserole.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2015 10:37 am 
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February 9th

can i e
can i eat my period
can i eat shrimp while pregnant
can i eat sushi while pregnant
can i eat honey while pregnant
can i eat cream cheese when pregnant
can i eat sushi while breastfeeding
can i eat tuna when pregnant
can i eat crab while pregnant
can i eat salmon while pregnant
can i eat gorgonzola cheese when pregnant

If you must much on punctuation, a period is much safer than a question mark, which tends to get lodged in your esophagus and can create a choking hazard. What? You are not talking about that kind of period? Great Odin's Raven, you are one sick puppy.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 10, 2015 9:28 am 
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February 10th

can i n
can i notarize a family member
can i notarize my son's signature
can i negotiate with credit card companies
can i notarize my husband's signature
can i network xp and windows 7
can i notarize my own documents
can i nurse while pregnant
can i network a mac and a pc
can i notarize in another state
can i name my child anything

Anything is a strange name for a child, but if vapid celebrities can name their kids Apple, La-El and Moon Unit, then ordinary idiots can dub their rugrat Anything Jones without fear of him growing up to get the !#%$ kicked out of him every day on the playground.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 5:20 pm 
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February 11th

can i pul
can i pull my own tooth
can i pull off red hair
can i pull off bangs
can i pull off blonde hair
can i pull off short hair
can i pull off black hair
can i pull my own wisdom teeth
can i pull off a pixie cut
can i pull off skinny jeans
can i pull off red lipstick

Given the idiotic nature of this Whoogle, I seriously doubt you have a "wisdom" anything in your body.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 12, 2015 9:34 am 
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February 12th

can i pus
can i push a hemorrhoid back in
can i push your stool in
can i push my piles back in

Yes, but be sure to wash your hands with soap thoroughly after you do. You have no idea where that hemorrhoid has been.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 4:12 pm 
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February 13th

why do love b
why do lovebirds die
why do love bugs like white
why do love bugs swarm
why do love birds fight
why do love birds kiss
why do love bugs stick together
why do love birds puff up
why do love bugs exist
why do love birds pluck their feathers
why do love bites hurt

Few people realize that Super Glue is made from love bug semen. Ouch. And I am sure you are no longer glad you asked.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 7:42 am 
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February 14th/15th

george bush is
george bush is a lizard
george bush is an idiot
george bushisms
george bush is a great president
george bush is the antichrist
george bush is our children learning
geroge bush is funny
george bush is the worst president ever
george bush is a nazi
george bush is a monkey

Most people do not remember that a pre-presidential W played the starring role, sans makeup, in "Jurassic Park 4," which went straight to DVD.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 12:38 pm 
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February 16th

can i use ba
can i use baby shampoo on my dog
can i use baby oil as lube
can i use baby shampoo on my puppy
can i use baby wipes on my dog
can i use band hero with rockband
can i use baking powder instead of yeast
can i use bacitracin on my dog
can i use baby carrots for baby food
can i use baby powder on my dog
can i use baking powder instead of cornstarch

The grand majority of Americans won't pick up after their mutts when they !#%$ in the park. The other extreme is people who not only clean up after their dog, but also make sure that all fecal matter is wiped clean before the dog starts licking its balls again.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 16, 2015 12:52 pm 
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Baby wipes feel great, I don't understand how normal people can use toilet paper.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 10:25 am 
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February 17th

can jesus
can jesus sin
can jesus heal me
can jesus save me
can jesus help me
can jesus fly
can jesus heal depression
can jesus forgive all sins
can jesus microwave a burrito
can jesus montero play outfield
can jesus see me

Jesus trumps flying with a little party trick known as the Resurrection. Jesus does enjoy flying also, which is why, in honor of his birthday, he invented a fat man in a red suit to deliver swag and cheer with the assistance of a few airborne reindeer.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 8:45 pm 
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Well after the Resurrection he ascended into heaven, so the answer is yes in any case.

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 9:16 am 
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February 18th

do mi
do midgets
do microwaves cause cancer do mic injections work
do microdermal piercings hurt
do mice bite
do mice have bones
do midgets have night vision
do millipedes bite
do mice like cheese
do microwaves use radiation

When midgets venture out in the daylight, somebody picks them up and tosses them. Over time, this proclivity for travelling at night made for ideal Mendelian inheritance of perfect vision when it comes to moonlit munchkin masquerades.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 8:32 am 
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February 19th

i am extremely t
i am extremely terrified of chinese people
i am extremely tired
i am extremely tired lately
i am extremely terrified of
i am extremely terrified of google
i am extremely terrified of chinese people fail blog
i am extremely thirsty
i am extremely terrified of chinese people yahoo
i am extremely tired in the morning
i am extremely terrified of chinese people christwire

Despite being the size of one and two-thirds of a midget, they all have a black belt in karate and crazy nunchuck skills. And, there are a billion of them. Honestly, who is not terrified by a plethora of pint-sized Pekingese people?

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 7:42 am 
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February 20th

can m
can my computer run it
can macs get viruses
can men get yeast infections
can men get breast cancer
can men lactate
can men breastfeed
can men buy plan b
can men be tested for hpv
can mold make you sick
can men and women be friends

They can, but most choose not to. Besides, most babies will not get their RDA of vitamins and minerals from Moob Milk, which in most cases tastes like (and has the nutritional value of) Pabst Blue Ribbon.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 10:12 pm 
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Hey, not related to the topic, but in the same vein, I just saw something on MSN that made me want to dust off the old "Stupid Criminal of the Day" motif.

Thursday, February 19th, 2015
A man was being interviewed by detectives in a detention center. Later, security footage caught the man beating himself up in his cell. He then reported that the detectives had done it to him. He now faces 20 days in jail for the false report.
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PostPosted: Sat Feb 21, 2015 3:13 pm 
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February 21st/22nd

can monk
can monkeys swim
can monkeys talk
can monkeys cry
can monkeys marry
can monkeys be pets
can monkeys fly
can monkeys smoke weed
can monkeys get aids
can monkeys laugh
can monkeys and humans mate

I didn't think it was possible until I saw an old television show from when the Olsen twins were little. Hmmm...

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2015 9:55 pm 
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February 23rd

can my b
can my boss do that
can my baby get pregnant
can my baby eat eggs
can my baby sleep too much
can my baby sleep on her stomach
can my baby hear
can my blackberry be a hotspot
can my baby see
can my baby catch my cold
can my baby eat fish

There is nothing worse than a pregnant infant. Besides, it is hard to determine if it is morning sickness or just spit up and finding maternity clothes that fit over diapers is nearly impossible.

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2015 9:36 pm 
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February 24th

can my baby w
can my baby watch tv
can my baby weight too much
can my baby wear a hat
can my baby wear a hat to bed
can my baby weaned
can my baby womb hear hear
can my baby womb hear me
can my baby weaned off formula
can my baby whats song
how early can my baby walk

The American Pediatric Society's official position on this is, "Don't be a !#%$ and dress your baby up at night when nobody can see them except the monsters that live under their crib."

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:10 pm 
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February 25th

can my boy
can my boyfriend feel my nuvaring
can my boyfriend adopt my son
can my boyfriend have pregnancy symptoms
can my boyfriend adopt my child
can my boyfriend come inside me
can my boyfriend drive my car
can my boyfriend buy plan b
can my boyfriend have female friends
can my boyfriend get bv
can my boyfriend change

Face it sweet cheeks, if you really do not want to bear his children, he is probably already looking at Plan B.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 26, 2015 4:39 pm 
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February 26th

can pigs e
can pigs eat humans
can pigs eat chocolate
can pigs eat meat
can pigs eat bones
can pigs eat bacon
can pigs eat hay
can pigs eat pork
can pigs eat acorns
can pigs eat people
can pigs eat chicken bones

Not Kosher pigs.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 27, 2015 6:59 am 
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February 27th

can too
can toothpaste clear acne
can tooth enamel be restored
can toothpaste get rid of pimples
can toothache cause headache
can tooth decay be reversed
can too much potassium be harmful
can toothpaste expire
can toothpaste kill you
can too much biotin be harmful
can too much b6 be harmful

Toothpaste has an uncanny ability to remove tooth zits. As for regular old-fashioned blackheads, toothpaste has no effect on them, but it makes your face smell minty fresh and helps prevent those pesky cheek cavities.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 12:46 pm 
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February 28th / March 1st

can you aff
can you afford to retire
can you afford a house calculator
can you afford a house
can you afford fries with that
can you afford to be a stay at home mom
can you afford a baby
can you afford it suze orman
can you afford to move out
can you afford to stay home
can you afford a car

There is nothing more irritating than when the smart-ass 15-year-old kid at Mickey D's mocks your earning capacitiy when you ask for your favorite fried spud side dish to accompany your heart-stopping grease burger.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 9:11 am 
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March 2nd

can you be half
can you be half jewish
can you be half a virgin
can you be half gay
can you be half albino
can you be half midget
can you be half down syndrome
can you be half a religion
can you be half pregnant
can you be half jew
can you be half vegetarian

Yes. If he only sticks it in 50% of the way. And, if you are lucky, you will not become half pregnant.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 10:52 am 
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March 3rd

can you buy l
can you buy lottery tickets with a credit card
can you buy liquor online
can you buy lottery tickets online
can you buy land on the moon
can you buy lemon zest
can you buy liquid nitrogen
can you buy life insurance on someone else
can you buy laughing gas
can you buy liquor in utah
can you buy land in hawaii

Yes. Just send $10,000 per acre (or whatever you can afford) to the authors of this calendar for your own plot of lunar land. And while you are at it, could you fly to Nigeria and pick up a suitcase with $35,000,000 cash from my friend whose husband was jailed?

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 04, 2015 2:12 pm 
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March 4th

can you pee
can you pee with a tampon in
can you pee while wearing a tampon
can you pee with a tampon in your
can you pee and poop at the same time
can you pee out fat
can you pee out a baby
can you pee out a miscarriage
can you pee on a pregnancy test twice
can you pee on a jellyfish sting
can you pee after using monistat

Tired of calorie counting and exercise? Sick of figuring out the grams and carbs or the Weight Watcher points? Who needs those crazy fad methods of losing weight? Just drink a lot of water, then urinate out that nasty fat and flush it down the toilet!

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 05, 2015 4:43 pm 
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March 5th

can you po
can you pop your cherry with a finger
can you port a number to magicjack
can you pop popcorn with a cell phone
can you pop a cold sore
can you pop herpes
can you pop your cherry with a tampon
can you poop with a tampon in
can you pop a stye
can you pop your cherry more than once
can you powder coat aluminum

Time for another anatomy lesson from Dr. Whoogles. You know that hole from which you defecate? If you are placing a tampon in there Susie, well, let's just say, you missed.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 06, 2015 6:30 pm 
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Friday 6th

can you vo
can you vomit feces
can you vote with a felony
can you volunteer for jury duty
can you volley in ping pong
can you vote if you are a felon
can you vote in washington dc
can you vote online
can you vote in jail
can you volunteer at petsmart
can you vote with a green card

If it were possible to vomit fecal matter, how much more intense the "if I see or smell vomit, I will also vomit" domino effect would be. Imagine hugging the porcelain god and wondering, what the hole did that projectile diarrhea come out of?

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2015 10:27 am 
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March 7th/8th

canada is a
canada is awesome
canada is a country
canada is america's hat
canada is part of what continent
canada is a joke
canada is a socialist country
canada is a corporation
canada is a third world country
canada is a state
canada is awesome because

So I guess that would make Mexico America's butt-plug.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:33 am 
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March 9th

cats lik
cats like us
cats like milk
cats like hitler
cats like ear was
cats like music
cats like bleach
cats like water
cats like watermelon
cats like mint
cats like cheese

I guess he would be happy to know that someone other than Eva Braun liked him.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:35 pm 
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Yeah, the cat with the hitler-stache has been pretty popular online.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2015 12:33 pm 
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March 10th

chances of getting caught s
chances of getting caught shoplifting
chances of getting caught selling drugs

Around 100% if you are stupid enough to ask Google what your chances are of getting caught shoplifting rather than a more salient question like, "What can I do to prevent getting caught shoplifting?"

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 11, 2015 1:24 pm 
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March 11th

did hitler have o
did hitler have one testicle
did hitler have only one testicle
did hitler have one ball
did hitler have only one ball
did hitler have only one testical
did hitler have one
did hitler have offspring
did hitler have only one
did hitler have only 1 testicle
what impact did hitler have on the world

Hitler had several balls. These fancy soirees were attended by a number of other like-minded anti-Semites who generally sat around, drank copious amounts of Jägermeister and made jokes behind Hitler's back about his uni-nad.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:03 am 
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March 12th

did mitt romney c
did mitt romney created obamacare
did mitt romney came up with obamacare
did mitt romney create obama care
did mitt romney cheat
did mitt romney cheated on his wife
did mitt romney come from money
did mitt romney create jobs
did mitt romney come from wealth
does did mitt romney color his hair
where did mitt romney's children go to school

Mitt Romney created Mittcare, which is a method of softening the leather of a baseball glove.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:57 pm 
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The Great B-Man wrote:
did mitt romney created obamacare

How many people have to Google a phrase for it to show up on these lists, again?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2015 7:37 pm 
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Image I'm not honestly sure what the exact numbers are. I think Google is keeping mum about it probably for legal reasons or something. All I know is that the more popular a certain search gets, the more likely it'll autocomplete.

Which means...we have a lot of people who search with big spelling errors.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2015 5:54 pm 
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March 13th

did my water brea
did my water break
did my water break or did i pee
did my water break or did i pee my pants
did my water break did pee my pants
why did my water break early
did i pee or did my water break

Maybe you should work on getting your sogginess all cleaned up and getting yourself to the delivery ward instead of wasting your time asking Google to figure out what fluids are gushing out of you and ruining that shag carpet you should have replaced in 1979.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2015 3:55 pm 
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March 14th/15th.

do b
do better lyrics say anything
do black people get sunburnt
do blind people dream
do better lyrics
do bananas cause constipation
do babies poop in the womb
do braces hurt
do bats hibernate
do bees have knees
do bananas have seeds

Some babies in utero are potty trained enough to get to the womb port-o-let that is physiologically generated during the average human pregnancy. It is found just outside the womb, right next to the spleen.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2015 3:54 pm 
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March 16th

do chr
do christians believe in dinosaurs
do christians celebrate halloween
do christians believe in ghosts
do christians believe in reincarnation
do christians sin
do christians believe in aliens
do christians believe in 2012
do christians believe in evolution
do christians celebrate christmas
do christians believe in karma

The New Testament is sketchy on Jurassic Era details, but most remember how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, but only after stopping to pull a troublesome thorn out of the foot of Lazarus' pet Triceratops, Pointy.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2015 8:27 pm 
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Some point to Behemoth and Leviathan of the book of Job (one of the earliest set books of the Bible) which describe huge creatures that sound similar to dinosuars. Other people believe these were mythical creatures that were just pervasive in the culture at the time and thus could be used as well known illustrations.

Either way, Christians have no reason to deny the existence of dinosuars, so yep. Even in context this search is silly.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2015 8:29 pm 
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Image I feel it would've been far funnier to focus on "do christians celebrate christmas" considering where their religious background originates from, but heh, this is what the calendar chose to focus on.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 16, 2015 8:35 pm 
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The Great B-Man wrote:
Image I feel it would've been far funnier to focus on "do christians celebrate christmas" considering where their religious background originates from, but heh, this is what the calendar chose to focus on.

Yeah that's a huge missed opportunity.

Though there are some offshoots of Christianity that don't celebrate anything because they think it's bad even though both Christianity and early Judaism had their fair share of feasts and celebrations.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2015 2:24 pm 
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March 17th

why is
why is the sky blue
why is the ocean salty
why is house in jail
why is kim kardashian famous
why is my poop green
why is youtube so slow
why is mac fat
why is my computer so slow
why is yawning contagious
why is pluto not a planet

Check your rectal calendar. It's St. Patrick's Day in your ass! The correct search inquiry should be "gastrointestinal physician near me." Then, you should get some Lysol and disinfect your keyboard before somebody catches that green !#%$.

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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2015 4:03 pm 
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March 18th

bacon
bacon in the oven
bacon wrapped scallops
bacon explosion
bacon furniture
bacon salt
bacon recipes
bacon vodka
bacon wrapped chicken
bacon ipsum
bacon wrapped shrimp

What's next? Biscuit Brandy? Gin and Grits? I'm prediction fewer trips to Denny's at 2:00 in the morning for "Moons-Over-My-Hammy-Sober-up-Sessions" if you can have the same thing in a martini glass at the bar. Slippery slope here, Smirnoff.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2015 5:11 am 
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March 19th

do girls g
do girls get boners
do girls get turned on
do girls get loose
do girls get pleasure from tampons
do girls get circumcised
do girls grow after menstruation
do girls go commando
do girls get morning wood
do girls give guys hickies
do girls give guys promise rings

Why do you think girls cross their legs? Obviously it is to hide those massive hard-ons that are just as embarrassing for the fairer sex.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2015 1:33 pm 
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*flashback to Ubisoft's E3 2012 conference*

*shudders*

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2015 1:45 pm 
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well, uh, kinda

depends on how you define boner and/or if you're including trans girls

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 20, 2015 6:05 am 
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March 20th

do home
do homemade ouija boards work
do home drug tests work
do home security systems work
do homeopathic remedies work
do homework for me
do homework online
do homework
do homeless people choose to be homeless
do home electrolysis kits work

Yes. Studies have proven that they are 100% as reliable as the boards sold by Parker Brothers.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2015 10:32 am 
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March 21st/22nd

do men h
do men have periods
do men have estrogen
do men have mammary glands
do men have pms
do men have hot flashes
do men have pregnancy symptoms
do men have thyroids
do men have menopause
do men have one less rib
do men have estrogen in their bodies

Absolutely. Why else would pharmaceutical companies market a drug specifically for men called Flomax?

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2015 5:26 am 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
March 23rd

can jesus
can jesus sin
can jesus heal me
can jesus save me
can jesus help me
can jesus fly
can jesus heal depression
can jesus forgive all sins
can jesus microwave a burrito
can jesus montero play outfiled
can jesus see me

Little known biblical fact: If not for a massive power outage on Mt. Zion, the last supper would have consisted of kosher frozen burritos with several bottles of Shmaltz. Because of the blackout, Jesus was forced to resort to feeding the apostles bread and wine.

((OOC: Witty calendar writer doesn't realize... This Whoogle is actually just looking up a quote from the Simpsons.))

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 23, 2015 1:44 pm 
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And "can jesus fly" makes a return appearance.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:59 am 
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Posts: 3711
Location: Lively Town
March 24th

do midgets have no
do midgets have normal sized wieners
do midgets have normal sized organs
do midgets have normal sized genitalia
do midgets have normal sized babies
do midgets have normal children
do midgets have normal sized kids
do midgets have normal babies
do midgets have normal sized children
do midgets have normal sized willys
do midgets have normal sized poop

Midgets take !#%$, puny poop pellets often mistaken for coffee beans. One dwarfish Starbucks franchise created stir years ago during an accidental brewing substitution based on the similarity. It gave a new meaning to the term Skinny Crappuccino.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 12:29 am 
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Location: Lively Town
March 25th

do turkeys have
do turkeys have testicles
turkeys have balls
do turkeys have teeth
do turkeys have tongues
do turkeys have ears
do turkeys have tails
do turkeys have talons
do turkeys have good eyesight
do turkeys have nests
do turkeys have wattles

And for all those years, you thought the round things next to the can-shaped cranberry "sauce" on the Thanksgiving table were hard boiled eggs. Also makes you wonder about that stuffing "with nuts" she used to make, doesn't it?

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