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Should I change my narration style?
Switch to First Person 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Stay in Third Person 100%  100%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 4
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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 10:45 am 
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Goomba
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Very nice. You're still having trouble with characterization. I'm not sure what you can do about it though. They just seem to be rather two dimensional. (I guess that's what people meant when they said your RP characters were too cliche before.) Somehow you need to establish them as individual persons with realistic motivations based on who they are, and then have them react on that basis. Your story telling style is more plot and action driven. You will probably have to work harder with establishing characters. Details are important, and what you include requires thought.

I like the way you explained the existence of magic in normally nonmagical persons, and the way you connect all the details to D'ether.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 11:24 pm 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Thanks. I'm working to Make Kojiro deeper in particular. originally, he was just an RP extra. Same with Annette actually. I have plans to flesh them out.

Also, I'm forseeing a huge problem: Having everyone in DG90, once united, in the same area at once.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:33 am 
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Chapter 3 seemed good overall, a nice way to give some backstory to characters who originally only had one focus to their character (Kojiro being a perv, and Annette being rich). The more original action was good, but in my opinion the "almost breaking the sound barrier" was a bit superlative. Overall, you have improved greatly and the fic is becoming quite original.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:46 am 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Thanks Ninkit. Yeah, in hindsight, that was quite ridiculous XD

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:29 am 
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Humankind has no greater skill than looking backwards. =P

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:17 pm 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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NintendoKitsune wrote:
Humankind has no greater skill than looking backwards. =P

Got that right XD

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 5:32 pm 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Well, everyone. I am planning to change my narration style to first person to help round out my characters. However, I want everyone's opinion.

Should I keep my narration style and look for another fix (suggest), or should I switch to first person?

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 5:37 pm 
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Tetrimino O
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Its...pretty hard changing narration styles during your story, but if you can find a way to pull it off, I'd love to see it.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 10:40 pm 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Mechaman wrote:
Its...pretty hard changing narration styles during your story, but if you can find a way to pull it off, I'd love to see it.

Hm... but this presents the question of how do I round out my characters more?

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:03 pm 
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Well, description. Description is always good. You're getting better, but I've always thought you under-described, and it makes it duller and less impactful. Good explanations for people helps them imagine the scene, and it's not how you imagine it that matters, it's how well you can translate the image to words.

Another thing is quirks. Not just little quirks that show up once in a while, but consistant themes to make them somewhat unusual from the archetype. I'm not really sure how to explain it, but...just things that make them seem "real". Realistic flaws and desires, caveats that fall, and yet realistic morality, most people not being heartless nor complete saints. Of course, this is just my thoughts, and it's hard for me to translate this...

Also, I think you need to be a little more consistant. No offense, but it seems like Agni and Sakura bounce around a little, and some seem to just be attached, but I can't say change that because it's new, and that might be why.

Don't forget, you don't just need to post the action. In down times, the characters interactions with each other are important, how they mesh and how they don't, who gets along with who, how they function outside of their jobs...it, again, helps with the "real" factor.

As for the question, first or third, I would say this. Try both. Write the next chapter in both, and see which satisfies you most. Maybe post both and see reactions. If it's close, then maybe do this for a few chapters. In a story, I always think best to ask the readers what is best then guess. I, personally, like third person, but I sometimes mix it with second. And it doesn't hurt I'm a VERY moral ambiguity writer, so being in first person sometimes makes things to black and white to fix my story, though it can be used to show flaws. I think it just depends on how the story progresses, how you feel when you actually write it and how it turns out. Just try both.

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"The fact of evil and good is undeniable. Bad men cannot be prevented from doing evil deeds, nor can good men be pushed back from doing the right in their heart. Why, therefor, do we hold back the power of the good to stop the bad? Do you not believe there is more good in the world then there is bad? I do. And with more good than bad, then that is how the world shall turn. And if there are more bad people, then is that not but the will of the masses? Why should we few be allowed to decide their fate, if they wish for what we deem evil? Let all hold the power. And let all decide with that power." - ???

"The world slows to a crawl. Men and women fight each other over petty pasts and trife rivalries and I sort out the pieces. If not for men like me, where would the world be but ruin? This is why my vision exists. One nation, united, under rule, through liberty and justice for all. Who cares if, perhaps, a few rights must be crushed to save a nation, or that secrets must be held the people do not know of? Is not one life worth that of a hundred? A hundred that of a thousand? Millions that of a world? Even if my method is wrong, what we lead now can only bring us to utter ruin and inescapble chaos. So I will continue to fight for what I believe is right, and you will do the same. And we will see who is stronger in their resolve." - ???

"I get asked one question a lot. How can I do such horrible things? How can I murder, and chatkill and do all these evil things without remorse? It's because their insignificant in the grand scheme of things. One person in the universe makes no difference. This world, in a universe of millions upon millions of worlds, is nothing. If nothing means anything, why should I not indulge myself in what little pleasure exists for an insect as myself? And if I must crush other insects, or use them to get it, I will. And what are you going to do about it? An insignificant resistance?" - ???


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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Sat Aug 29, 2009 11:29 am 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Well, at the moment, I'm working on 2 versions of the next episode, and am trying to flesh out my descriptions.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 10:21 pm 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Sorry the next episode is taking so long. Blame college.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:40 pm 
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My, That Was A Big Gap
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Oh, hey. I haven't forgotten this. hell, I'm gonna revise the early chapters a bit to fit in better with the game version.

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Post Post subject: Re: Dragon God Chronicles: Chronicle I
PostPosted: Sat Jan 09, 2010 5:31 am 
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Ryusei wrote:
Oh, hey. I haven't forgotten this. hell, I'm gonna revise the early chapters a bit to fit in better with the game version.

With added porn?

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"The fact of evil and good is undeniable. Bad men cannot be prevented from doing evil deeds, nor can good men be pushed back from doing the right in their heart. Why, therefor, do we hold back the power of the good to stop the bad? Do you not believe there is more good in the world then there is bad? I do. And with more good than bad, then that is how the world shall turn. And if there are more bad people, then is that not but the will of the masses? Why should we few be allowed to decide their fate, if they wish for what we deem evil? Let all hold the power. And let all decide with that power." - ???

"The world slows to a crawl. Men and women fight each other over petty pasts and trife rivalries and I sort out the pieces. If not for men like me, where would the world be but ruin? This is why my vision exists. One nation, united, under rule, through liberty and justice for all. Who cares if, perhaps, a few rights must be crushed to save a nation, or that secrets must be held the people do not know of? Is not one life worth that of a hundred? A hundred that of a thousand? Millions that of a world? Even if my method is wrong, what we lead now can only bring us to utter ruin and inescapble chaos. So I will continue to fight for what I believe is right, and you will do the same. And we will see who is stronger in their resolve." - ???

"I get asked one question a lot. How can I do such horrible things? How can I murder, and chatkill and do all these evil things without remorse? It's because their insignificant in the grand scheme of things. One person in the universe makes no difference. This world, in a universe of millions upon millions of worlds, is nothing. If nothing means anything, why should I not indulge myself in what little pleasure exists for an insect as myself? And if I must crush other insects, or use them to get it, I will. And what are you going to do about it? An insignificant resistance?" - ???


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